White Angel 2014

White Angel

I was sitting on my bed in my room looking at letters and pictures my kids had made for me. As I looked them over I became overwhelmed with sadness. I touched a picture with my finger tips, running them over their faces, wanting nothing more then to hold them. I hear a nosiness and looked up, placing the picture back down on the bed. I became surrounded by a cream colored cloud, when I stood up I realized I was now standing in a large cream colored room. I saw on the far side the Spirit, He smiled at me but did not move. Then I heard a low deep growl come from behind me. I turned to see a man standing there, his hair was white as snow, his eyes where all black and darker then night. I noticed his hands where like smoke. They kept the shape of a hand but yet moved around like smoke. I took a step back from him and felt really uncomfortable in his presence. The man looked me up and down as he walked around me, when he stood before me he whispered, "Child. Of. Light."  "What do you want?" I asked. He laughed "You." I looked at him funny and thought "Me? Why does he want me?" He took a step towards me looked me dead in the eye's and said "I know who you are child of light. We have met many times before, you. You have caused me great trouble! I want nothing more then to destroy you!" I looked past the man at the Spirit, he seemed unmoved by what was happening. He just stood there peacefully, not effected at all. I wasn't sure if I should be worried, but I did remembered the times before, he never let anything happen to me. The man then stepped between me and my gaze at the spirit, redirecting my focus back to him and saying "You follow. Him? Tell me child of light, what have you gotten from it? What have you gained? What do you have to show for this pathetic life? HUH?" I closed my eyes and began to whisper a prayer in a language I did not know, trying to refocus and shut him out. The man began to whisper to me "You think you can hide your guilt? Your shame? It is your fault! You deserved everything you got! I opened my eyes and looked at him, "You may whisper to me, but you. You are not my fathers voice." The man reached out and touched my shoulder, I saw black spots begin to cover my entire body. I stepped back as I watched them spread throughout, the man laughed and said "You will never be clean, you will never be whole! HE cannot fix you! You. Are. Nothing." When the the spots where done spreading I saw blood appear all over my hands. I looked at them and became upset, I tried to wipe it off on my clothes but it just rubbed blood into my clothes. I fell to my knees and began to cry while the man stood there and laughed at me. I was so afraid and felt so much shame I didn't even think to look the Spirit for help. I heard a loud thunder and the room shook, almost kicking the man to the floor. I looked up and saw I AM walking towards me. He was wearing a long white robe, the bottom and collar where lined with purple silk. He came and stood between me and the man. The man took a few steps back, pointed at me, and said in a hate filled voice, "You want this? What is it about her? Why protect this one?" I AM turned around towards me and knelt down to meet my eye's. "Child" He said with much love and concern. He leaned forward and kissed my head. He then stood and reached down to help me stand. I looked at my hands then to him, tears still flowing down my face. I AM whispered with a smile on his face, "I don't see the spots or the blemishes you see. Child it's an illusion, a lie. Child, all I see is you." I lowered my head to look at my hands that where covered in blood. I AM whispered again "trust me." I looked up and slowly took his hand, he helped me to my feet and quickly pulled me in for a hug. I felt so bad inside I didn't hug him back, but still he held me for those few moments. As he held me he said over and over "you are never, ever, alone." Then the man screeched in a loud voice that sounded like many. I AM let go of me and turned around, he got in the mans face and said in a stern, but low voice, "You forget your place! You have no authority here!" The man let out a low growl and I AM said to him "Reveal yourself!" The man backed up and let out another screech that sounded like many, then he turned into this massive white angel. He was so white and beautiful, but I noticed his hands moved like smoke. He was the same angel I had see in the temple once before. The angel pointed his finger at I AM and said with so much anger and hate "I will kill this one!" I AM sighed, "No...no you won't. Be gone! Now!" The angel bowed to one knee and disappeared. I AM turned towards me, he could see the drain in my eye's from the guilt and shame I felt. He embraced my face and touched his forehead to mine, and in a whisper he said in a whisper "You. Are. Mine