Pictures 2016

God Encounter 2016

Pictures

Sitting quietly at a table drawing, and pondering all of its ups and downs, went to faint whisper catches my attention but not my eyes. The word please for me like a swift breeze. My heart became still and my spirit rejoiced. Closing my eyes I listened again to whispered Word was soft but clear "Casie". This time it caught , both my eyes and my attention. I looked up and before me sat Jesus. He had lowered his head enough to meet my eyes. His face glowed with white light so it was hard to make out the features but his eyes where hard to forget. He reached out and touched my hand and I laid down my pen. I sat up and looked at him, why is he here? I wondered. He smiled at my thought, I knew he had heard it but he was not caught off guard and he was not hurt by it at all. "I see your pain, in the silence and the smile, I see it." I looked away and down at the floor. "Too much" I whispered sternly. "No, it's truth."he said in a whisper. I refuse to look at him, so he stood and put his hand out, I was reluctant to take it I just wanted to stay where I was. I finally looked up and sighed hard, then I took his hand and stood with him.he smiled really big as I walked away with him. We walk through the store to the front door "where we going?" I asked. He stopped with one hand on the door "walk with me". We walked through the door way but instead of going outside we were in a long hallway. I saw pictures of all my friends and picture frames of mind the hall. I walked over to one of the picture and ran my finger tip over the faces. Some of the pictures had my kids in them. The hall was long and I could not see the other end. "What is this about" I asked in a low voice. Jesus put his hand on my shoulder and said "family", I looked at him and said "these are my friends, and I do see my kids In many of them. I see so many of them as family." Sadness kicked in and I pulled my fingertip a picture and said in a whisper "but who's to say they see me that way." Jesus knelt down and pulled me close he looked into my eyes and said  "they are the family you Long for, they love you, just because it doesn't look how you think it should doesn't mean it's not true. Child, I am giving you freedom, freedom from your past, your pain, and even memories. So go take that freedom and make new memories, new traditions!  Go take new pictures. Don't try to talk yourself out of it! look at who is gathered around and enjoy them." I thought for a moment before I could speak Jesus put he's finger to my lips "there are no (what if's), I made it this way." Tears begin to roll down my face "so I'm OK? You are mad how I messed up everything?" He replied quickly "never. What you were living in was not what I wanted for you. Now that you're free from all the abuse, spread your wings out in the sun, rest, and enjoy this moment. Take a deep breath and let the pain go." He kissed my forehead and stood up. He took my hand and we begin to walk the long hall pointing and talking about the pictures and creating (our) own new memories. 

I'm not angry 05-2014

I'm not angry 05-2014

A little girl in a white dress stands in front of an old house. She was around 7 years old and had shoulder length brown hair. Holding the 3 daisies in her hand she fidgeted with the petals. The little girl took a few steps closer to the house, then slowly made her way to the steps. The voices became louder but where muffled. She could see movement inside, but couldn't make out what was going on inside. The little girl made her way up the steps slowly. Noticing a window She walks over to it. Just looking at the window itself she noticed how dirty and warped it was. The little girl tries to see past it, but still can't make out what's going on. So she tries to wipe the window with her hand and pressed against the glass to try and see what was inside, the images where still hard to make out. She watched and covered her mouth with a gasp. The image she sees inside seems very angry in its movements. As she watches she becomes afraid of the image. The little girl heard a sound and turned to see a man walk up to the door of the house. The girl quickly grabs the mans arm and says "don't go in there!" The man stoops down and asks "Why are you standing outside?" the little girl looked at the man then back at the image through the window. She said "Have you seen whats in there?" The man smile and said "Yes, I come here often" The little girl peered through the window and said "You meet with him? He seems so angry." The man looked at her confused. He stood up and walked over to the window. He looked through the dirty distorted window and the image he saw was contorted and its movements seemed angry. He chuckled and said "I see the problem." The man took a rag out of his pocket and cleaned all the mud off the window. He smiled, "that's a little better!" The little girl looked through the window, she saw a man moving about the house, The image was still scary because the window was warped. The man looked at her and said "the best way for you to know he is not angry is to meet with him." the little girl was scared, the man through the warped window still seemed so angry. The man took her hand and said "Follow me, there is nothing to fear." She was reluctant but she took his hand and went with the man. When they walked through the door she saw a older man sitting in a chair. He smiled at her and said "welcome child" she looked around the room in a bit of a panic. The old man asked "What's the matter child?" She said I have watched through the window and I saw an angry person in here. The old man chuckled and said "No one is angry here." She looked up at the man who walked her inside and said "Is he who you come to see?" The man smiled and said "He is my father...and he is your father." The little girl looked confused. The older man said "Child, you have stood outside that window for so long. Everything you know about me has been twisted and isn't true. Come, come child sit with me." She let go of the mans hand and slowly walked to the older man. She stood before him and he said "You are so beautiful my precious child. My love for you is bigger then you can understand." The little girl said "Your not angry?" He chuckled and said "I never was" he picked her up and she sat on his lap. She leaned back against his chest and could feel his heart beat. All her fears slowly began to melt away. Her father held her close. She realized this was so much better then being on the outside looking in. 

Tea lights 2014

Tea Lights

I was standing in a dark room, so dark i could not see my hand in front of my face. I felt around but could not feel anything. I stopped and when I did I felt someone take my hand. Then I saw a little light appear, It was enough light in the darkness I could see parts of I AM's face. I let go of his hand and walked over to the little tea light. I saw it was on a long glass table top. I AM walked over and put his hand on my shoulder. I looked up at him, he was smiling at me. I looked down at the table and I saw my reflection in the glass. The dim light made it hard to see all the features, but I could see I was 7 yrs old. I looked up at the tea light and watched the flame dance, almost as if being hit by a breeze. I noticed its reflection on the glass table, it seemed to reflect the light back to the flame. I looked up at I AM, he was still smiling. He then leaned forward a bit and pointed in the direction the long table was going. I saw something on the edge of the darkness. I walked over, it was about a foot away from the other light but it was not lit. I looked to I AM, "Why is this one not lit too?" He motioned for me to come to him. He took my hand and whispered "Just watch." He took his other hand and hovered it over the little light a moment then he touched the tip of his finger to the flame. When he pulled his finger back there was a flame on it. He looked at me and said "Do what you where made to do child." I looked at my free hand and thought for a moment, then I touched my finger to his and the flame was now on my finger tip. While still holding hands I moved down a bit to the unlit tea light. I slowly touched the wick with the flame and when i did the flame left my finger and now danced on the candle. Then I noticed a tea light next to this one, spaced the same as the last, it was not lit. I let go of I AM's hand and I touched the lit tea light with my finger tip, it added a flame to my finger but stayed lit like the last one. I looked over to I AM and I smiled, I looked down at the flame on my finger and then at the unlit candle. I walked over and lit it with my finger, when I pulled my hand back I saw the flame was now on the little candle. A few seconds later I saw the tea light next to it light up on its own.  I got excited and before I made it to the small candle they lit up all the way down the table, on their own, so far down the table I could not see them anymore. The light coming from all the little candles began to light up the dark space I was in. I saw I AM move to the other side of the table. I looked up at him, I could see the flame in his eye's. He whispered to me, "See, you have a purpose." He reached across the table and I took his hand, "You may not see it, but it is there." He leaned over the table and kissed my hand. I closed my eye's a moment, even with my eye's closed I could still see the glow of the candles. I opened my eye's to see I AM smiling at me. I began to feel the Joy building up inside me and I started to danced in a circle. Then i got excited and put my hand above the flames and began to run the length of the table. I AM did the same and we laughed while we ran. After we ran a while I stopped and so did he, "Does it ever end?" He put his hands on the glass table and leaned forward, "Child, you will touch many with your life and your words. And the words you speak will travel faster then you. For the message you will speak will have life in it, it will have freedom. It will be contagious, and spread like fire from one to the next. There are chained hearts that are meant to be free." I looked down at the flame and then to I AM, "What will this message be?" He stood up straight, reached down and touched the table top with his fingers and said with a slight grin, "You will see."

Church 2014

Church 2014

I am standing in front of an old wooden church building. The church looked old and worn, the white exterior paint pealing off. The door was a dark worn forest green, it was obvious it had seen its better day. The small church had a steeple on top with a bell in it. I looked around me the sky dark like it was going to storm, and the land was barren, not a tree or blade of grass in site. The ground was dry and cracked, it was obvious it had not rained there in some time. I was standing about 30 or 40 feet from the church in a light blue sundress that had white flowers on it. The wind was blowing really hard and it had a chill to it. My dress had no sleeves so i crossed my arms trying to keep warm. The wind began to blow harder and harder. It was blowing so hard I had to hold my dress down. I then heard the church bell ringing, loud and proud. Then the wind became so strong it blew the doors to the small church open. I stood there a while and watched, no one came or enter the church. The wind whipped around and almost knocked me to the ground, and I was sure I heard laughter in it. I made my was to the church and climbed the six steps leading into the old church. When i stepped inside i was caught off guard, there where people sitting in the pews. The church was completely full of people. I then noticed the shackles, each person shackled to the next. Their faces pale and their clothes worn and torn. I looked to the front, and saw the pulpit was empty. I wondered why this place was like this, why would the people be sitting there if there was no one teaching. I made my way to the front and looked at the people as I passed them. Their faces where pale and emotionless, and not even one noticed I was there. They just sat there motionless, it made my heart heavy with sadness to see them like this. I saw a big old wooden pulpit on the small stage. When I got to the front just before the stage i turned around to look at them all. When i did the all stood up, like soldiers in the army. They remained motionless even standing, their faces never changed. The whole thing caught me off guard and I took a step back, when i did i heard a low deep growl from behind. I turned and saw a shadow figure of a man standing behind the pulpit. The shadow shifted like it struggled to keep its form. I let out a deep sigh a bit frustrated and said to the shadowed figure "You don't scare me." He leaned causally on the pulpit and said "You are out of place." He then made his way down to me and stood before me. "You, you child of light I will destroy." I replied "You have no power over me, go back to where you came from. You are just one of his little imps." The shadowed figure i knew to be a demon began to walk in a circle around me saying "You think HE protects you?" I said nothing so he stopped in front of me and said in a low voice "I will bring you to your knees!" I rolled my eyes at his comment and began to pray in tongues, as i did my whole being began to glow. The demon became angry and began to yell at me in his own tongue. The demon then came at me but before he could touch me an angel appeared between us. The angel put up his hands and the demon flew backwards onto the ground. Then light like a flame began to circle around the angel and myself like a tornado of light. It began to destroy the church sucking parts of it up little by little. The demon became angry and tried to attack us but could not get through the swirling wall of light. He began to screech at us, it sounded like a million screams. After everything was sucked up into the light a ring of bright white shot out from the bottom. I covered my eye's the blast of light was so bright it was blinding. When I opened my eye's I saw I was now wearing a white robe and standing before a massive temple I had never been in before. I walked through the door into a room with massive gold and bronzed pillars. The walls where made of some sort of dark brown etched metal. The pillars had pictures and writing on them from top to bottom, and also on the bottom half of the etched walls. I couldn't read the writing. Half way into this room I see the white angel with hands that moved like smoke, the accuser. He was massive in size. The accuser asked in an agitated voice "What are you doing here? Why have you brought your friends into MY house!" I turned around to see the two angels that guard me standing behind me with swords drawn. I hear The Spirit of God whisper in my ear, keep moving forward. I began to walk forward when the accuser stepped into my path. He knelt down on one knee so he could be face to face with me. "Let me pass" I said in a calm voice. He chuckled softly and He began to speak in a casual calm, almost seductive way "You are trouble. I wonder what is it about you child of light that makes him want anything to do with you. You are worthless, disposable, weak. Son of man to child of light, do you remember your sins? All you have done? How shameful and disgusting are you? Do you remember all those times HE left you alone? I have always been there, watching waiting. Why follow HIM?" He stood up and said with great confidence "Why follow on who would leave you in your pain? Leave you alone? Even have those who are your own, your family turn against you? HE doesn't care at all about you." (he knelt back down to be face to face with me) "so leave HIM and follow me." What the accuser didn't know was his words where being countered the whole time, The Spirit of God whispered truth to me drowning out the accusers lies. I stood there listening to The Spirit and said to the accuser "I don't answer to you, nor will I ever have too. So let me pass." He stood up and became angry. Yelling in his own tongue he stepped towards me and the two angels took him down before he could touch me. They began to fight and I saw shadows shifting into a human form and attacking the angels. I then saw angels appear in the light brown hooded robes and they also began to fight, they had flaming swords. I took a few steps back, it was intense. There seemed to be 4 angels to every 100 shadowed figures of a man (demons). The room we where in was filled with the sounds of fighting. The accuser let out a screech that sounded like millions of screams and disappeared, but the angels and demons continued to fight. I then felt a hand on my shoulder, I turned to see the smiling face of The Spirit of God. I turned and asked him "how will we ever get out of here? They just keep coming." The Spirit took my hand and said "we will just walk through it. Don't be afraid, I am with you." We began to walk towards the fight and when we got to it I hesitated a moment but The Spirit smiled at me reminding me it was going to be alright. We then made our way through the battle unnoticed and untouched by what was going on around us. On the other side we came to a massive door, 200 feet tall at the very least. I looked up at the massive door then at The Spirit, he reached out and touched the door with his finger tips and the door opened. He stepped to the side and said "Go child, you are doing fine." The door in front of me opened to a city. I walked down the six steps onto a dirt road. There was nothing like before, no trees or even a blade of grass. After walking a while i began to see buildings. They where leveled to the ground and scorched. The ground all around looked black and the few tree's scorched by something but wasn't burned like in a fire. I began to hear screams all around, coming from the leveled homes and buildings all around me. I ran to the closes building and began to dig. I could hear the child screaming for help. I then pulled up a piece of metal but the child was dead. I was in shock, i could still hear her screams, but she was dead. I went to another building and found them the same as the first. I covered my ears and began to sob and cry out. The grief that overwhelmed me was too much. I got back onto the dirt road covering my ears knowing there was nothing i could do for any of them. I saw people on the ground scorched beyond recognition, but it didn't look like there had been a fire. When I got to the end of the road the screams stopped. In front of me now was a building, I ran to the house hoping to find someone. When i got closer though I realized it was abandoned. It was a two story brick house, bungalow style (best guess). I walked up the three steps and went inside. When i got inside I was in a different temple, one i had not seen before. It was so large I couldn't see the walls or ceiling. The columns where a soft peach and white color, the floor matched the columns. I walked for a while when I saw people standing in a line. I walked past them towards the front, it was like they couldn't see me. I came to a massive wall with a normal sized door. I squeezed past the people into this large room. I saw there was a big circled dip in the center of the room, it had 6 steps down to the floor at the bottom. It was filled with water up to the 4th step. There where 4 columns around the circle. I watched as what looked like leaders made the people go into the water, almost as if they where baptizing them. I watched confused when I felt a tap on my shoulder, one of the angels that follows me said "This is not what you think it is, this is not of God. Come, this's place is dangerous." I followed him out another doorway off to the left of the people in line. When I went through the door I ended up in another place. I saw people with dark brown and almost black skin covered in dust screaming. Some where mothers holding half dead children, their cries inconsolable. The wind was blowing and there was dust in the air. It became so bad i had to cover my mouth to breathe. I followed what I thought to be a path, mostly because it looked worn. I stopped when I saw a dead child, about 5 or 6 years old lying on the ground. I was overwhelmed and began to cry. A woman then grabbed my arm pleading with me in her own tongue, I felt bad because I didn't know what she was saying at all. She lead me to he little shack built out of all sorts of objects. Inside she pointed to a boy on a blanket. She showed me an empty cup and pointing at her son. I realized they had no water and he was dying of thirst. I knelt down beside her and closed my eye's. I waited and listened for The Spirits voice. I stood and walked over to the only table in the one room shack and found a plastic bottle. The Spirit began to tell me what to do, so i took a cloth and covered the plastic bottle.  Though it did not make sense to me i did it anyway. I prayed over the bottle thanking God. Then I took another cloth and knelt next to the child. I took the cup from the mom and did the same thing as i did with the bottle. I placed the cloth over it, prayed and thanked God. But this time I removed the cloth. The cup was full of water. The mother began screaming and crying. I held the child up and helped him during the water. The woman went over the the -lactic bottle and pulled off the cloth, it too was full of water. She fell to the floor face down with her arms out shouting. It looked as if she was was worshiping. My guess was she was praising God. He son coughed and his mom jumped up and pushed me out of the way. She held him crying and helping him drink the water in the cup. I slowly and quietly made my way out of the shack back onto the dusty road. I covered my mouth again because the dust made it hard to breathe. The dust and wind got so bad i had to stop and cover my face. When it stopped I put my arms down to find myself standing in front of this grand chuch. It was made of grey stone and had stained glass windows. The landscape was dry and cracked, no trees and no grass. The sky was cloudy and grey. I walked up the poorly cobble walk way to the church the doors looked new and where beautiful, I ran my hand over the door it was smooth to the touch. The handle looked like it was made from gold and had gems of various types all around the handle. I pulled the door open anxious to see the inside, but when i stepped inside I gasped. The roof was completely gone. I stood in the back for a moment I saw half of the front pews turned around facing the back half. I slowly walked past them to the front, I saw the alter cracked in half. The cup to hold the wine and the plate for the bread where empty and on the floor. I saw blood covering the alter and parts of the floor around it. I looked around and this chuch had been torn apart. A tear fell from my eye's as i tried to hold back the sorrow i felt. When my tear hit the ground the building and its foundation shook so hard i had to hold on to a broken part of the alter to keep from falling. I looked up and saw a clear/white type fire ball fall from the sky, it hit the middle of the church. When it hit it was like a bomb went off. I there where holes in the wall like bullet holes in the walls. The windows looked wavy, almost as if i touched them my hand would go through them. I walked half way down the isle back towards the door fell to my knees and sobbed. The grief was overwhelming. Then i heard the voice of The Spirit, "Child." I looked up and saw him in front of the door. I got up and ran to him, wrapped my arms around him and cried. He held me and comforted me. He then pulled back and said "follow me." We walked through the chuch and out the back door. I saw a smooth double wide sidewalk leading off over a big hill. As we walked this path towards the hill I saw patches of grass here and there. When we got to the top everything before us was lush and green. There where trees and flowers everywhere. I saw a small wooden shack at the bottom of the hill. We walked down to it and he opened the door. We both stepped inside, when we got inside i saw a room packed with people. They where sitting around a table sharing bread and wine. This was not a place with sorrow of grief but laughter and joy. The Spirit moved behind a man who gave thanks and blessed the meal. He talked about communion and they all joined in communion. The presence of God was so thick in this small place. Knowing the expel could not see or hear us I asked The Spirit, "Why did you bring me here?" He smiled and looked around the tightly packed room and said "I go where I am needed and wanted." He then made his way to the door and I followed him out. When we went through the door we ended up in a dark room. The floor was cement and so where the walls. There was little light and the air was damp. I heard a man coughing, the Spirit began to glow and it lit up the room enough that I could see a man curled up on the floor shivering, his clothes torn and covered with dirt. In the corner was a bucket and the man was covered with a child size thin blanket. The Spirit laid his hands on the man and he stopped coughing and shivering. The spirit stayed by his side a while and said "He has been here almost six months. He is here because he has professed his faith in Jesus." The Spirit stood, the man looked peaceful now. He relaxed and fell asleep as we watched. The Spirit looked at me and said "Many have suffered, and more will suffer." I watched as God touched this man in his most dire moments. The Spirit walked through the old thick wooden door and I followed him. We walked up the steps to a room with a long table. I walked the length of the table to the other end where I found a chalice and a plate. I looked around and noticed the spirit was gone. I touched the rim of the empty chalice and began to cry. I felt so much grief from what i had seen. I then heard my name and I looked up. I AM stood before me. I quickly made my way to him and wrapped my arms around him. I began to ask "what happened? What went so wrong?" He pulled back to look at my face and asked "Am I not in control? Am I not working all things for good? I will make all things new." He then motioned for me to sit in the chair in front of the chalice and golden plate. He said "This is what it's really about, this is the redemption of all things that seem lost." I saw the cup fill and a piece of bread appear on my plate. He smiled and nodded. So I drank from the cup and ate the bread. Hope then began to fill my entire body, my soul. The grief was now gone. He looked at me with love and said "share this, with all who are hurting and lost. Those who are desperate and those who are not. Those who think they are deserving and those who don't.....share this precious gift of my love with everyone, excluding NONE."

Candle Light 2014

Candle Light 2014

I was sitting at a table in a dark room. The only light coming from a large candle sitting in the middle of the table. I looked around and couldn't see any anything but darkness. With the candle being the only light I couldn't see more then a few feet out from where i was sitting.I tuned back around and looked at the candle, I watched the flame move and dance. I crossed my arms on the table and laid my head down on them. After a while of just watching the candles flame I reached out to move the candle, when i moved it I saw I figure standing in the darkness. It startled me and i sat up straight and asked in a fearful voice, "Why are you lingering in the shadows? Who are you?" The figure stepped into the light of the candle. This angle was different then the angles i had seen before. He wore a light brown hooded robe with the hood pulled over his head. I didn't see wings on these angels at all, but You could feel the authority and power he carried with him. In the dim light from the candle I could only see his nose and mouth, his eyes where covered with a shadow cast by the hood on his head. He said "He sent me to watch over you, and I am not the only one." I picked up the candle and slowly walked out from the table, I saw them as i walked the circle they had made around me. There where 13 in all standing guard over me. " I came back tot the table and the angel that saw standing there. "Your not like the other angels, who are you?" The angel said nothing. "Why won't you answer me?" The angel lowered his head and I heard my name called from behind, I turned to see I AM. I looked at him and asked why are they here? And why are they different?" I AM looked at me and said, "They are there to watch over you, don't get so wrapped up in what they are doing focus on me." He patted the table, "come and sit with me." I was frustrated that he wouldn't answer my question, i sat down at the table and placed the candle in the middle. I could see I AM's face and he had a small caring type smile on his face. "How are you doing child?"  I leaned back in my chair and crossed my arms completely agitated with his question, I replied "Why do you bother asking? You already know my thoughts and feelings. You know exactly whats going on! So why do you keep asking me?" He leaned forward, "Yes I do know those things, but I want you to tell me, to talk with me. You are so important to me and I want to have a relationship with you, talk with me." I looked down at the table and replied It probably wouldn't do any good to tell you I am doing great the, would it?" I leaned forward with my arms crossed and yelled at him "I don't want to talk about it!" Then i sat back into my chair. I AM stood up, walked over to the chair next to me and sat down. "That response was honest. I know your not angry but you are trying to hide the hurt. I see it and I know it. You can yell at me as much as you want, but child....I am not going anywhere. This is the moment you need me most." I began to sob. I covered my face I felt so much shame and disgust with myself. I AM reached out to me and touched my hands covering my face. He stood up and reached out his hand to me. I took it and he pulled me in and hugged me tight. I was still sobbing. He Just held me as I cried, I didn't feel rushed or hurried by him, he was patient with me the whole time. I finally became exhausted from all the crying and pulled back from him to look at him. When I saw his face I saw he had been crying with me. I reached up slowly with my finger tips and touched one of the tears on his face. I think I was just shocked he was crying at all, I mean he is God. I AM said "I Love you so much." He leaned forward and kissed my forehead then pulled me back and just held me in his arms. He held me till the candle light faded and it was all gone

Mighty Grace2014

God Encounter 2014

Mighty Grace

I found myself standing in the back of the temple facing the ark. I felt almost hidden in the dim light. I was 13 yrs old in this encounter a beautiful white embroidered dress that went down to just above my ankles. My hair was pulled back on the sides and I had baby's breath tucked into the tie in the back. 

I saw I AM standing in the front, just before the bottom step leading up to the ark. He had his hands behind his back. I began to hear what sounded like a humming noise. It was soft but it resonated with in me. I watched as he turned around and looked at me. When he saw me he smiled and reached out with both hands motioning me to come to him. I slowly made my way to the maroon rug and stopped at the edge. I saw the white/clear flame on the ark rise and expand in a way I had not seen. I was 3 stories tall and just as wide, almost consuming the space with its flame. The flame danced and moved like it was breathing. I AM didn't even seem to be phased by it. Where i stood the light had been dim but as the flame grew so did the light it put out. The light around me was so bright I could have been standing next to the ark. I hesitated to step forward, I was feeling so much shame and condemnation inside. I then saw the flame start to spread out, it looked like little ribbons of flame. There where two one on each side of I AM. They quickly made their way to me, I stepped back unsure what was happening. The flames wrapped around me and surrounded me from my feet to well above my head. I expected the flame to be hot or warm, but it wasn't either, neither was it cold...it just was. It began to calm the fear inside, the condemnation and shame fell away as I felt so much peace. The flames danced around me as I stepped out in the courage it had helped me gather and i walked with confidence to I AM. When I got to him the flames left me and wrapped around the room, bringing light to all the dimly lit places till the room was full of light and a sense of calm filled the place. I AM spoke my name drawing my attention to him. He placed his hands on my shoulders and said with such passion "My Grace covers all." I looked around and all I could see was the white flame had consumed every place, It was like being in a thick fog where all you can see is whats just feet from you, nothing else. I looked behind him even the ark was consumed by the flame. I AM pulled me close, wrapped his arms around me and kissed my head. I rested my head on his chest and just watched the flame that had surrounded us dance, move, and breathe

Where to Draw Strength

Where to Draw Strength 2015

I found myself standing at the top of the curved staircase leading down to the fountain covered in Ivy. I was wearing a white dress with a yellow sash around my waist. I was 8 in this encounter. I looked down at the white and grey marbled looking floor. I put my foot out and slowly set it down on the first step in front of me. I could feel the warmth of the floor, and I thought to myself, Why was it warm? I then put my hand on the big marbled rail and began to follow the steps to the bottom. When I reached the last step I stopped for a moment and watched the water from the top spill out over the Ivy it was covered in. I slowly stepped down onto the floor and walked over to it. I was amazed how it grew and survived in this fountain. The plant seemed to grow out of the top where the water came out. I thought, how is it not plugging the hole with its roots? I reached out and touched a leaf with my fingers, examining it for a moment. I stepped back and remembered the cup. I made my way around the fountain to the other side. I saw the cup sitting there with writing on it. The writing was back to the way it was before I picked it up last time. I wanted to pick it up and look at it. I reached out slowly to pick it up but got nervous and pulled my hand back. I heard from behind "You can pick it up child." It was I AM.  He came and stood beside me, "don't be afraid, you can pick it up." He looked down at me and smiled. I looked back tot the cup and picked it up. I looked it over and I ran my hands over the writing on the cup. When I touched the letters they filled with red and changed to BeLoved Child. The red in the letters then quickly faded away. I looked at I AM and asked "What exactly is this cup for? I know we used it to drink before, is that all its for?" I AM reached down past the Ivy and touched the water with his finger tips and asked "Child, do you feel weak and weary?" I thought to myself what did this have to do with my question. "Sometimes, I guess." He looked at me with a suspicious smile, then back at the fountain. He pulled his hand back and stood there in front of me, placing his hand on the side of my face he said in a whisper "Draw some water from the fountain" I looked at him a bit unsure but I took the cup and pushed it under the water filling it and pulled it back out. I saw the words change on the cup from BeLoved Child to Beautiful Life. I looked at it and thought why did it change? "Child, there are many places you can try to draw strength from but only one place can offer you the real strength that you need." I looked down at the cup and then back at him and asked "How do you know I have been weak and weary?" He smiled "I know more about you then you think I do." He knelt down to meet my eye's and he wrapped my hands around the cup and put his over mine, "You can draw strength from me whenever you want. I will never leave you feeling empty and alone." He took his hands away and said "When you are ready, drink." I stood there a moment and looked down at the water in the cup thinking about what he had just said. I put the cup to my lips and began to drink. I could feel the cool sweet water flow throughout my body. I felt peace and safety deep down in my spirit. I felt....refreshed. He tucked a piece of my hair behind my ear and said "I am your strength when you are weak, the peace you crave." I set the cup down on the side of the fountain where I had found it. I saw the writing go back to words I couldn't read. I asked "what if the fountain is plugged by the vine or it stops running?" He looked at me and with a loving smile said "This fountain will never dry up. It can never be choked out by the vine. Like me, it will always be." He stood and picked me up and looked me in the eye's "I love you too much." Then I wrapped my arms around his neck and he held me. As I rested there he turned towards the curved staircase and began to make his way up them.  

Who are you

Who Are You

I was standing outside the old temple at the bottom of the steps, it was where those that wore blue robes sang. I was 16 years old in this encounter and I was wearing a brown robe. I was covered in dirt and ash from head to toe.  I didn't wiggle my toes  because I was frustrated and scared. There was a big metal ring around my neck keeping me from looking down. The large metal ring was attached to two chains one went out to my left the other to my right. Holding the ends of the chains where two shadow figures I knew to be demons. I pulled at the ring but could not break it off. It was 3 to 4 inches wide all the way around. I looked at the two shadow figures and watched how they shifted and moved in the spot where they stood, almost like they couldn't hold an image of any kind. I felt so much shame and guilt as I stood there. Tears where streaming down my dirty face leaving lines on my face. There where two angels standing one on each side of the door. They where at least 20ft tall. I noticed the name on the middle of the two doors changed from Abba to LOVE. The two shadow figures lead me to the top, I saw the word love slowly turn to red and the door click and opened up. The Angels placed their hands on a sword attached to their sides as we passed through. The doors closed behind us once we where through. We were now standing in the back where the light was dim. I looked around to see if I could see anyone. I saw two angels, one on each side, standing at the base of the three steps. They also had their hands on their swords but had not drawn them. I Closed my eye's for a moment, I was so ashamed to be there like this. The shadow figures walked me to the front and stopped several feet out from the steps to the ark. I looked around and I saw I AM walking towards us from the right side, his left hand filled with grapes and olives. He stopped in front of us. The shadow figures began to growl and speak in their own tongue to I AM. He ate a few grapes as he stood there listening, he seemed completely unmoved by them. H then held up his right hand and they stopped. I looked down at the floor and I AM walked over and bent down just enough to catch my eye's. I looked up at him I felt overwhelmed with fear and shame in that moment. "He said in a whisper, "Sweet child, what happened?" I knew he already knew what had happened but still I said "I don't know, I am so sorry!" Tears really began to stream down my face. He then ate an olive. "Sweet child, why are you crying?" I looked at him confused "Can't you see? The chains, the demons?" He then ate a grape and smiled. Just then the demons began to screech at him, and it sounded like many. I covered my ears because it was so loud. I AM raised his hand and they stopped. He then ate another grape then he said "Do you know who you are?" I pulled at the ring around my neck and said "what are you talking about?" The leaned his head to one side and ate an olive. "What is it you think I see?" I looked to my right and left at the shifting shadows that held the large chain around my neck. And out of frustration I again said "Can you not see the chains? And the demons? Can you not see the dirt and the brown robe?" He smiled and said "No." I let out a big loud sigh. I AM stepped closer to me and asked again "Do you know who you are?" I shook my head no. He smiled and said "I do." He took a grape out of his hand and put it in my mouth to eat. As I chewed the grape the ring fell off my neck and my robe turned white. I looked at my arms amazed I was clean, there was no dirt on me. The demons screeched and fell to the ground, it looked like they where covering their ears. Then after a moment they disappeared with the chains. I AM stood there, then he ate an olive. I felt a gentle hand on my shoulder and I turned my head to see Jesus there. I turned towards him and Jesus smiled "You may not know who you are, but I do." He had a piece of bread in his hand and he broke it into two pieces. He handed me one and raised his to his mouth to eat it. So I followed his motions, I ate the small piece of bread. Jesus then Opened his arms wide and I stepped into them. He just held me for a while resting his head on top of mine whispering over and over  "I love you."

Rulers of Worth

Rulers of Worth

I found myself standing in a field of tall green grass, the grass came almost chest high on me. I was 8 in this encounter and I was wearing a white dress that went to my knees. Around my waist there was a yellow sash, I looked down at my bare feet and wiggled my toes. The feel of the dirt and grass beneath my feel felt a bit rough, but it did not hurt. I looked out over the field and watched the grass bend and sway with the wind. I put my hand out and let the grass touch my palm as it blew back and forth. I closed my eye's and just enjoyed the breeze as it flowed through my hair. With my eye's closed I looked up to the sky just to feel the warmth of the sun on my face. It was warm standing there, but the breeze was cool when it touched my skin. I opened my eye's and looked out over the field, I saw a ways out from me I AM he was smiling at me. When he began to walk towards me small daisies began to bloom all over the field. I watched in amazement as they quickly spread. When he was about half way to me he knelt down and held out his arms. I was so excited to see him so I ran to his open arms and he hugged me tight. I AM chuckled and he kissed my face all over as I giggled. He sat down in the grass and studied my face a moment then in a whisper he asked me "How are you my beloved child?" I smiled and before I could answer I saw two rulers appear on the ground. I bent down and picked them up, What where they doing in the grass? I wondered. I looked to I AM for an answer "where did these come from?" I asked him. "Let me see." He said, so I showed him the rulers in my hands. He didn't take them from me but he did look them over. "These are what you have been measuring you worth and your life by. They represent other people's standards for you, and what they think of you." He touched my nose with his finger and asked "How can you hold onto anything else with those in your hands?" I looked the rulers over and then down at the ground. In a low voice I said "Well, it's been pretty difficult." He reached out and lifted my head and asked in a low soft voice "So what should we do with them?" I looked out over the field thinking for a moment "If I put them down how can I be all things to everyone?" I looked back at I AM for an answer. "Ah, let's talk about that a moment. How easy has it been for you to be all things to everyone?" I sighed really big and loud "Stressful. It doesn't seem to matter how hard I try because I always end up making someone mad at me. It seems impossible to do."  He studied my eyes for a moment "Do their opinions really matter?" I thought for a moment then said, "Probably not. But I have to be at peace with everyone. I have to make sure people aren't angry, but again it seems impossible." I was beginning to feel frustrated. I AM reached out and touched my face with his hand "Peace child. If it seems so impossible then what do you think you can do with the rulers?" I looked at them and then set them on the ground in front of him. "I can let them go?" I stood there looking down at the rulers even as he spoke, "Child, do you see the problem here? Do you see the problem with just letting it go?" I looked up at him "No." He sat there quiet, I looked down at them trying to figure out what he meant. After a few moments I picked them back up and looked them over. He got on one knee and asked "do you see the problem now?" I looked at him sad I couldn't figure out how just letting it go wasn't enough. He then held out his hands "Child, it's all about how you let them go. You can't do this on your own. Just putting them down isn't going to help because you really haven't given them up, your still holding them."

I looked at the rulers and I stood there a bit reluctant, but after a moment slowly handed them to him. He placed them both into one hand and I watched as they began to glow with bright white light. Then the light went away and I saw the rulers turn into two small daisies. I AM took the daisies and placed them behind my ear. He kissed my forehead and whispered to me "The only opinion that matters is mine, no one else. You cannot please everyone. Stay focused on me and trust I will take care of any offenses. Sweet child, I think you are beautiful, flawless, you are my beloved." He held out his arms "will you trust me?" I stepped closer and fell into him wrapping my arms around his neck, resting my head on his shoulder. He stood with me in his arms and began to walk the field to the other side. 

The Door

The Door

I found myself standing in a long hallway. I was 10 years old in this encounter and was wearing a white dress with a yellow sash. I began to feel the cold cement under my feet I was uncomfortable and I didn't like it. I took my right foot and rubbed the bottom of it on my left leg trying to warm it up a bit. I then felt a hand on my shoulder It was Jesus, his face was filled with white light and the only thing I could focus on was his eye's. The seemed to touch the deepest part of my being, even to my spirit. It felt like cool waters running through me, and more peace and calm then I could ever understand. He pointed to the hall, smiled and said "Come with me."

He took my hand as we walked this long hall, I saw all kinds of rooms some where clean and bright light showed the through the Windows. Other rooms had papers and such scattered about and the Windows where slightly dirty. Each room was vastly different from the other. After a while we came to a and old wooden door, it looked like it was made out of old railroad ties. It had a log chain crisscrossed in front of it with a big lock. There was an old maroon tattered rug in front of the door. Jesus bent down, rolled it up and set it aside. I looked at him confused, what was he doing? Jesus looked at me and stepped aside "go ahead child, open it." I looked at the chain and lock on the door then back to him, "Open it? With what?" The Spirit appeared next to me smiling. He motioned for me to come closer to the door and he pointed to the lock. Jesus smiled and said "Child you are the key to this room." I looked at the Spirit and he nodded in agreement with him. I looked at my hands a moment then to the door. I reached out and touched the lock with just the tips of my fingers and the log chain and lock hit the floor. I stepped back, caught off guard by what just happened. The Spirit began to dance a bit and picked up the heavy chains and lock like it weighed nothing and he began dancing down the hallway with it and singing before he disappeared. Jesus was laughing a bit as he watched the Spirit make his way down the hall. Then he turned to me with a big smile and said "Only you can open this door." I reached out and took hold of the ring on the door and I pulled and pulled to open it. The hinges where rusted and it squeaked and moaned as it slowly pushed it open. When we got that door open we saw another new door it was painted a light blue. Jesus chuckled "Wow, you really didn't want me to come here, did you?" He said with a smile "now open that one." I opened the second door and we both walked into the room. There was garbage, paper and boxes over flowing with things all over the room. Some places the boxes where stacked so high they almost touched the ceiling.  The three Windows on the far wall where painted over blocking the light from coming into this room. There where a few missed spots though and you could kinda see very small bits of light. Jesus made his way around the boxes and mess in this room. It was so packed it was hard to walk through. When he got to the other side he looked around the room and said "I see you have had difficulty trying to manage this all on your own. There is so much you have tried to keep from me and others. Child your not alone in this, and you don't have to try to manage it that way either." He looked around the room some more and I asked "What, what was that rug for? Why was it so worn?" He walked over to a pile about waist high he leaned over and put both hands on it and said "The rug was where I stood waiting for you to allow me to come in." He looked around the room and back to me with a smile "It's been a while too." He picked up the smallest box in the room and said "Lets start here." He made his way out of the room with the box and I followed. When we walked out I turned and looked back into the room. I knew what was there and why I had been hiding it. It felt scary to hand it off and I felt vulnerable, but I knew it was time. 

Mine 2013

Mine

I found myself in the old temple standing on the edge of the maroon rug. It's 10 in this encounter and was wearing a white dress with a yellow sash around my waist. The dress came to my knees and had white flowers embroidered all over it. The sides of my hair where pulled back and like always I am barefoot. I put my toes over the edge of the rug and wiggled them, I looked down as I enjoyed the soft feel of the rug. I then stepped onto the rug and slowly made my way to the front. As I walked I watched the white flame dance and move above the ark. It would expand out and then pull in sometimes like it was breathing. There was no real rhythm or reason it moved, it was freely doing what it was doing without a "why?" To it. It gave me a sense of freedom just watching it. When I got to the bottom of the 3 steps I looked around but didn't see anyone. I looked back to the ark and watched the flame move, expand, and pull in. I felt so drawn to it, like it was calling my name. I put one foot on the bottom step and I felt a tug on my spirit, so I slowly continued up the steps to the ark.  When I got to the top I reached out my hand slowly to touch the flame. When I touched the flame it was like the breath was pulled out of me I closed my eyes and inhaled. When I opened my eye's and found myself standing on a cloud that had a hint of pink to it. I saw out in front of me to my left a small wooden stand with a massive book that was open. Jesus was standing on my right and when he saw me walked over to me. He touched the side of my face and said "I hear you prayer, and I know your heart ache. But I want to show you there is nothing to fear." He placed his hand on my shoulder and motioned for me to go to where the book was at. I walked over to the book and Jesus said "I want to show you they are in my care and will never be lost." He turned the pages in this book. I didn't see anything written in it. He stopped and ran his hand over the page and said "Look." I looked down and when I saw all four of their names in the book I covered my mouth and began to cry. I reached out and ran my hand over the names of my children, tears streaming. Jesus knelt and I turned to him. He looked me in the eye's and took my hands, then he said "Do you see? They are in my my care. I see them and I know them. Trust me with them, I promise I will take care of them. I am their protection, I am their provider, I am their comfort, and I AM their savior. " the tears where flowing so strong I couldn't wipe them away fast enough. "I needed this." I said with a cracked voice trying to push back the tears. Jesus embraced my face with both hands and studied my face for a moment "I know." He opened his arms inviting me to a hug. I stepped forward and allowed him to hold and hug me. I completely lost it in his arms. I kept apologizing for crying and he pulled his head back to look at me, "You don't have to apologize here." He kissed my head and rested his head on mine. Jesus then scooped me up and carried me towards a bright light on the opposite end. I closed my eye's and felt the warmth of the light as we got closer to it. He stopped just before it and said "Child, I love you so much." Then he stepped into the light with me in his arms. 

Dark Tunnel

Dark Tunnel

I was laying in my bed crying, I had just had a bad dream and was feeling shame and condemnation. The feelings just overwhelmed every part of me. I opened my eyes and saw a hand reach down and pick me up, I closed my eyes as the tears continued to come. I felt my face being embraced and I opened my eye's.  I was 7 yrs old and the first thing I saw was Jesus looking into my eye's I could see the concern and felt his intense love. I reached up with my hands and held on to his arm. I closed my eyes and tried to speak, my voiced cracked as I spoke "Do I really matter?" He pulled me close and just held me as I cried. Jesus said in a whisper "of course you do." After a few minutes I pulled back wiping tears from my face apologizing for being upset and crying. He kissed my forehead and said "Never be afraid to cry, or to be upset around me. I am your safe place." He took my hand and said "walk with me a while." We where in an empty space and before us was a dark tunnel. We made our way into the tunnel, and the farther we got into it the darker it became. I let go of his hand trying to find the wall. The walls where rounded not flat, I tried to reach back to Jesus but could not find him in the dark. I began to panic and began to cry uncontrollably. He touched my finger tips and said softly "I am still here." I grabbed his hand with both of mine and stood there in a panic crying and telling how scared I was to be there in the dark. He pulled in in close and held me, "you are not alone here, you never where or will be." He stood there just holding me as I lost it. My chest began to glow and he pulled back just a little to look at me.  I could see his face in the faint light that came from my chest.  He embraced my face and said in a whisper, "You are safe here with me." He wiped the tears from my face and said "I am still here, even when you can't see me." I just let him hold me a bit longer, I had my head on his chest listening to his heart beat. My body began to be a peace and I calmed down. I let go and backed up a bit. I wiped the remaining tears from my face, and in the faint light I saw him reach out his hand to me. I took his hand and he pointed and said, "Do you see the light down there?" I looked it was hard to see but there was a faint light a ways out from us. He said "walk with me." I nodded and we began to walk to the faint light in front of us. The closer we got the brighter the light got, when we reached the end of the tunnel the light filled the space at the end. I saw a fain figure in the light, then I heard him call my name. I AM stepped out of the light and I ran to him and he embraced me. I was crying out of relief mostly. He held me, laughed and said "You are so precious to me, and someday you will see just how much you mean to me. It will chase the darkness away and all you will see is the light." He kissed my head and picked me up, "I love you child, so so much." He turned and he walked us into the light

Fire and Twisted Branches

Fire and Twisted Branches

I found myself walking down a dried up path, I could feel the dry dirt on my bare feet. I wiggled them a moment and the dust stuck to my toes like a magnet. I was 10 and  wearing a white blue robe. I noticed the dust didn't stick to the robe just my feet. I walked for a while on this path, and I saw nothing but dead trees and cracked dried earth. I stopped and watched as the sun began to set, when it reached the horizon if stopped. I noticed there was a long line of dried dead trees on both side of the path a ways out from where I stood. I saw a long line of fire come from the resting sun and touch the trees in front of me, first on my left then my right. The fire quickly took over the dead trees causing a fire as high as four feet high. I took a step back the heat was intense. I began to spread to the dried dead plants and such on the ground consuming it. The fire moved towards me and so I was surrounded by the fire in a circle. The flames where taller than I was. The fire was five feet around me all the way around, even though it was so close I could not feel the heat from it. I became afraid because I didn't know how to get out of the circle of fire. I then felt a hand on my shoulder, I turned to see the Spirit beside me. He smiled at me and asked "child why are you so afraid?" I looked at him and back at the fire, "I don't know how to get out of this." He pointed to the fire and said "Just walk through it." I asked "won't I get burned? How can I walk through that?" He put his hand on my chest and said in a whisper "You can't, but HE can. Go child, walk through it and find the path. Don't forget, I am here with you." I took a deep breath and took the Spirit's hand and said "Okay" and I began to walk towards the fire. I still felt no heat touch my skin and my clothes were not singed as I walked through that fire. When I was on the other side I turned around quickly to see the ring of fire still there. I looked down at my clothes and then to the Spirit, "I thought you would make it disappear or something, why is it still there? Why didn't you just make it go away?" The Spirit walked over to me and placed his hand on my shoulder and said "This time I walked with you through the fire. I wanted you to see there is nothing to fear because I am with you." I then saw the fire dry up and the trees that where once there where now twisted branches. The branches covered the road in front of me and where so wrapped together there was no was you could push through it. The line of twisted branches ran as far as I could see to my left and right, so I could not walk around them. The Spirit walked over and handed me a book. "What's this for?" He pointed to it and I opened it. I read the words on the page, it said Psalms 113. I turned the page and saw Psalms 113 written by had in cursive. I ran my hand over the written words, it kinda meant a lot to me that someone would right it out by hand. I looked to the Spirit for direction, he pointed to the book so I began to read the written words on the page and as I did they lit up with gold sparkling light, it said:

The Majesty and Condescension of God

113 Praise the Lord!

Praise, O servants of the Lord,

Praise the name of the Lord!

2 Blessed be the name of the Lord

From this time forth and forevermore!

3 From the rising of the sun to its going down

The Lord’s name is to be praised.

4 The Lord is high above all nations,

His glory above the heavens.

5 Who is like the Lord our God,

Who dwells on high,

6 Who humbles Himself to behold

The things that are in the heavens and in the earth?

7 He raises the poor out of the dust,

And lifts the needy out of the ash heap,

8 That He may seat him with princes—

With the princes of His people.

9 He grants the barren woman a home,

Like a joyful mother of children.

Praise the Lord!

When I was finished reading it tears ran down my face. The Spirit walked over to me and took my hand and my chest began to glow. I grew brighter and the Spirit also began to glow. We began to walk towards the twisted branches across the dried up road. When we got close to the they separated and moved off the path. But as they did long thorns appeared on them we walked about 5 feet through the twisted branches before reaching the other side. When we got to the other side I turned around and looked at where we had walked. I noticed that where my footprints where in the dirt bright green grass had grown. Not just one or two but all of them. I looked down at my feet and saw grass grow around them. I turned to look at the Spirit but he was gone. I looked back at the footprints just in awe. Then I heard him speak my name, it calmed everything inside me. My Spirit knew his voice, I didn't even have to turn around to know who it was. I lowered my head and turned to face him. Jesus said "Child, why do you look down?" He came closer and knelt down to meet my eye's "There is no shame here, none. I know things seem dry, desolate, and dead, But I am leading you to better things. To a place of peace, love, and family." I looked behind him and saw green grass everywhere, Lush bushes with flowers and healthy trees. He stood up and reached out his hand, I was reluctant but I took his hand. Jesus looked down at me and said "Walk with me." And we began to walk this landscape of beauty and peace. I watched as small white petals blew and spun in a circle across my path. Jesus walked us over to a big old oak tree and he sat down at the base of it. I looked up at the tree, it was larger then any tree I had seen before. Jesus said "Come, come rest with me a while. You are safe with me." I sat down in his lap, he leaned back against the tree and we just sat there enjoying the moment. After a while I became tired and he whispered "close your eyes and rest, you are safe with me." So I closed my eyes and slowly drifted off to sleep. 

Ehyeh Asher Ehyeh 12-4-2013

Ehyeh Asher Ehyeh 

I was 7 in this encounter and I was wearing a white short sleeved dress. I wiggled my bare feet as I stood just outside the door to the massive temple, but I was not alone, the angels where out there with me. I looked around and felt a bit confused to be outside, especially out front of the temple. I saw all the people in blue robes with their arms raised singing and praising. I slowly walked over to the edge of the top step with my toes just over the edge. I griped the top step with the edge of my toes and looked down at my feet. I looked out at the dirt road I walked with Jesus up to the massive temple for the first time. It wasn't brown dirt it was white.The song that this mass of people sang was like a wave going out but not coming back. It's like it continued to ring out past all time. They each sang their own song but it sounded like one. I turned and looked at this huge door. I saw in the middle where words written in another language. I saw it on the low part of the door just above my head. It was in the middle and on both doors. I don't know what the door was made of, some kind of metal that changed in appearance from a golden brown to a bronze. I reached out and put my hands on the carving, I was expecting the door to open, but it did nothing. I remembered how I AM and Jesus had done it but it wouldn't work for me. I closed my eye's and began to cry, I just wanted to go back inside, but I had no idea how to do it. Running my fingers on the letters on both doors. One of the angels that has stuck close to my side knelt down. He asked "Do you know what's different about them?" I said softly, "No." I ran my finger a crossed the writing and looked at the angel,  "what does it say?" The angel ran his fingers over the writing as he read it "Ehyeh Asher Ehyeh" I looked at him and asked "what does it mean?" The angel stood and took my hand and said "Child, It means I AM that I AM." After he said that I heard a loud trumpet sound. It was loud, and the ground began to shake.  It shook the ground so bad I almost fell down. The only reason I didn't fall was because of the angel standing with me held me up. Then I saw the words on the door fill with red blood and the doors then opened. As I was walking in I noticed a third angel outside did not follow. The angels stopped to talk after the doors closed. I had no idea what they where saying, It didn't matter anyway, I was excited to be inside. So while they were talking I slipped past them, I made it about a foot from the edge of the rug. I stood there looking forward, I saw the ark white the white light above it. It was the only light in the room and lit up most of the room. I slowly made my to the edge of the rug. I stood with just the tips of my toes over the edge of the maroon rug, I looked down and wiggling my toes. I smiled, I liked the feel of the rug much better then the stone step outside. When I did I noticed my dress was dirty and torn. There was dirt all over my body.  I took a deep breath and sighed. I stepped back from the rug and sat down.  I was distraught at how dirty and broken I was. I thought, "I can't go to I AM like this."  I pulled my knees to my chest and cried. I whispered with a heavy heart "My own parents want nothing to do with me so why would He?" Just then my chest began to glow, a soft white light at first then brighter and brighter. I sat there and tried to brush off all the dirt I could, and when I looked up I saw I AM standing in front of me. He sat down on the floor next to me, so close we were touching. I said to him "I am a worthless mess. How can you love me? No one will ever love me, not with this past." I turned and rested my head on my knees facing the away from him. I AM  cleared his throat. "What past?" I looked at him funny, don't you remember all the horrible things?" "Child, I have walked with you the whole way. But your future is greater, bigger and better then your past. You can't change it, so why worry about it? I am not worried." With my knees still pulled to my chest, I laid my head on the top of them looking at I AM. I thought for a moment and asked "When you look at me don't you see it all?" He smiled and nudged me "See all of what?" I saw a soft glow coming off of my whole body. I looked at my arms and legs with disbelief. My dress was clean and looked new. I looked at him and tears fell from my eye, not out of sorrow, but out of gratefulness. He leaned over and put his forehead to mine and whispered "All I see...is you."

Little bit about my story #2

When I was a kid my dad hated religion so much because he thought they where money hungry judgmental people. This picture was when I was baptized as a baby. My Grandmother (Cline, my dads mom) made my dad have me baptized because she believed if anything was to happen to me as a baby I would go to hell. After the baptism I was told they went home and that night my dad beat my mom pretty bad over it and then skipped town for a few weeks. So my brother was never baptized as a baby like I was. I remember when I was 7 after l had my dream about Jesus I was in the basement store room. The only room in the 125 yr old home we lived in that wasn't finished and still had a dirt floor. The only light in that room came from a small window up in the corner the room. Half the window was covered by the shelves that had all my dads tools on. That day my dad had gotten big and wasted. He drug me downstairs by my hair and locked me in that room. If I fought, screamed, or beat on the door he would pull me out n beat me. After locking the door he would tell me the bugs and mice would eat me. I would watch the light from the window go from day to night. I never knew how long he left me in there. One of the times I dug through the boxes and found my moms nativity set. I had never seen it before. My guess is my dad made her keep it put away. I found the baby Jesus and sat and held it for a long time. I cried off and on a bit. When my dad came and let me out I tucked the baby Jesus in my pocket. I carried it everywhere. My mom had gone into hiding around the time I found it but she had come back after a few weeks. One day my dad found the little ceramic baby Jesus and he lost it. He threw it across the room and it hit the wall and broke in two. Then he came after me. My mom stepped between us and took the beating. I hid behind the couch. At one point I slowly came out picked up the pieces and went back behind the couch. I took it to school and my teacher saw me sitting against the wall during recess looking at it. She took it and glued it back together for me. I carefully carried it for a long time after, making sure my dad didn't find it again. 

A little about my story

Here is a little more about my story....

I remember when I was in 11th Grade I was going to a Catholic church. I had been catholic since I was about 8th grade. I was put in a catholic school because I got kicked out of my school for fighting. I didn't fit well there and when I went back into foster care I found that each church I went to it became harder and harder for me. When I was in 11th grade i was moved by the foster system to a halfway home in hastings, this was to be only a 30 day stay., but it ended up being almost 4 months. The worker had changed several times and they lost my file...no one knew I was there. they found my file in a shred pile. I was there while they looked for another placement, at this point I was struggling horribly. I had been moved every 4-6 months since 8th grade. I had actually got to a point where I stopped unpacking my stuff because it made no sense to me anymore. Nothing in my life seemed stable. I remember being allowed by the worker to go to the catholic church on October 26th. I remember very well sitting in the pew. After everyone left and I waited for my ride I began thinking. I became angry and frustrated with God and I remember standing up and saying out loud..."if you can part the sea and do all these great things then why have you allowed all these bad things in my life? How can a God who is suppose to be so mighty confined to a gold box..." the person from the halfway came in and I left. 

While at this halfway house I met someone from my childhood, his name was Danton. He had lived next to my grandma when I was 8 years old. I remember playing hide and seek with this guy. He and another worker there  talked with me about Jesus and said I needed to say a prayer to accept him into my heart. Now I know I had known God a while but I did it. it was November 17, 1997. I remember this because they began to talk with my guardian and worker to let me go to the assembly of God church.  I remember going and the first Sunday hearing the pastor Ted Brust  talk about this risen Jesus. It was like I had never heard it before. In the catholic church it was always about his death. I began to think there is more? 

I then joined Northshore's youth group and was quickly placed as an intern under the youth pastor. after being under him about a month I was moved to a home in beaver city. The people there where christian but they were horrible to me. I was left out of everything the family did. I was told I was worthless. The father of the house told me God was angry with me and that God wanted to break me. I fought them though when I tried to start a bible study at school. they said someone like me should not make waves. The school tried to stop me but I looked up the law and I presented it to my school. They then had to allow me to do it. My foster parents were so angry they said as long as I had the bible study I would be grounded. I only lived at there house for 3 months and then I was moved again. My senior yr of high school I was 18 and the state decided to move me back to hastings and place me in my own apartment. 

While I was living in a basement apartment they found for me I went back to work as an intern under the youth pastor at Northshore. I did a drama group and I organized a group to go to fine arts. I made the youth group banner by hand. The church knew who I was. As my 19th birthday drew near I was told by my worker I would no longer be supported by the state to live in my apartment. I didn't know what to do. I had nowhere to go. so while most kids where planning Graduation parties I was trying to find a place to live. My cap and gown was paid for by a teacher because I didn't have the money. when my birthday came I was kicked out of my apartment. I had workers driving the few belongings I could take with me to the homeless shelter where they left me and walked away. 

I stood in the doorway to the office there with a few trash bags with my belongings in it and I was sobbing. what was I going to do? I lived there a short while working full time and finishing high school. I saved some money and went to my first and only christian camp. That's where I met Pastor Toby. The camp had drama classes and he taught one. I kept going to the same class and Toby came to me and asked if I had considered Masters commission. I said I had but explained my situation to him. I told him I was living in a homeless shelter. He laughed and said yeah right. So I gave him the number. He called the shelter a week after camp. The staff there answered the phone and Toby was in shock. he told me to save what I could and that would be my tuition. (tuition was $2600 I came with only $500) before I left my time at the shelter ended and I was living on the street. My youth pastor stood me before this church of 500-600 people and told them my need. Now I had worked for this church a while they all knew who I was and not one person offered to help me in any way. I became angry at the church and bitter. I quit going and wanted nothing to do with any of them. 

One day that summer before Masters I had fallen and hurt my wrist. I went to the hospital to have my wrist looked at. The nurse asked me some questions about my address because I didn't put one down. I burst into tears and I told her I had no place to live and we talked about 10 min about my situation. She left the room and came back. she had called her Parents and told them my situation. They told her to take me to their house that I could stay there. These people had taken a sheet and pinned it to the basement ceiling. They cornered off a section in there family room in the basement, put a bed in there, a lamp stand and a lamp. I lived there till masters commission started. They even took me because I had no car. they drove me the 2 1/2 hours to Omaha from Hastings NE. 

I remember thinking why would random people have more compassion for me then the church I had been apart of for almost 2 yrs. I remember how angry I was with the church as a whole and I carried that with me for yrs. Even through Masters Commission.

Accept all of Him. 3-24-16

I'm sitting a room that is dimly lit by small candles. I feel the presence of God wrap around me, touching every part of my being. My spirit begins to dance deep within me. It's like an electric wave that moves  though my wold body, from the core out. I whisper the words that I have held in my heart "are you tethered?"  I hear the voice of "I AM" whisper soft and sweetly "I am here with you". I close my eyes and feel him put his hand on my chest and he whispers "be at peace anxious child....be at peace". Every anxiety melted off me. I lifted my hands with my eyes still closed and began to sing. As I sung the words rolled out of my mouth like incense going up towards heaven. The tears began to flow as I felt Him move over me. I then saw him with a big jar, it was blue and silver. He stood over me and dumped water over me washing every thought and feeling unworthiness and feeling dirty away. Then he placed a white robe around me. I lowered my hands, still tears streaming. I saw a flower bloom from my chest, it was a continuous blooming, it didn't stop. The flower was a peony, it was light pink and white. I whispered "if this is real...if your real...if everything I have heard is true, that I am completely, totally, forgiven.....clean, show me." I began to see rose petals falling and a faint smell of the petals as they fell. I remembered when a pastor came to our church and a friend of mine kept pushing me to share what I have seen. I finally went up and told this man and what I had seen he had seen just a month or so before. I was shocked, it was validation. "I AM" said to me "can you just accept you have no control over this?" I was still crying and I raised my hands, closed my eye's and spoke the words out loud "I completely accept the forgiveness you have given to me. I completely and totally accept I am....clean, without spot and with out blemish. I completely accept everything the cross represents." I brought my hands to my chest and said "Now God make it real to me." I felt peace flow through me. He whispered in my ear "you child....have always been and forever will be my beLoved child."

Encounter in 1987 (dream)

Encounter in 1987

Communion

when I was seven I had a dream where I had met Jesus. After that dream I had many others where angels had taught me things. In this dream The Angels taught me about communion. I have it written in a journal and thought I should share it. 

I was standing in a room with a round table with chairs all around it. I saw this angel dancing around it. The angel looked like she was my age (7). She was setting as if there was going to be a dinner. After it was set she left the room and came back with a silver platter held above her head with both hands. On it was a big loaf of bread. She was singing and skipping to the table. She set it down and left the room again. She came back the time with a silver pitcher. She was smiling and singing as she made her way to the table and began to poor the drink into two of the 5 cups on the table. She set the pitcher down and danced over to me and grabbed both my hands. She was so excited about whatever it was she was doing. She said "come, come with me! I want to tell you something amazing!" We went over to the table and sat in the two seats where she had filled the cups. She looked at me and said "I am so excited to share this with you!" She reached out and pulled a big piece of bread off the loaf. She smiled real big and said "Do you remember the man from your dream? The one who called your name?" I shook my head yes. The angel pulled the bread apart into two pieces and said "His name is Jesus." She looked at me and said "He dose you, he loves you and he died for you." I was a bit confused and asked "he died for me?" She said "He was beaten, whipped, and then nailed to a cross. He took your sin, all the sin of the world. Every wrong he made right..." She handed me a piece of the bread and said "when you remember him and what he has done, do it like this." She put the bread in her mouth and I followed her lead. We ate the pice of bread and she said "that stands for his body and everything he did." She picked up the silver cup and again I followed her lead. She looked inside the cup and said "When Jesus bled, his blood washed everything clean. Every wrong was made right. And God, your father and his father came running to once again wrap the world in his amazing love and mercy, forgetting everything man had done....forever." She took the cup and drank it and so did I. The angel jumped out of her chair and took my hand and we began to dance around the room. After a short while I woke up from this dream.

Dried up Field

Encounter with God

Dried up Field

2-2-16

I was standing in a field full of tall dried up grass. I was wearing a white shirt and blue jeans. The bottoms of my blue jeans where cuffed up so they didn't touch my feet. I was barefoot in the dried up grass. I could feel the ground under my feet the dirt and dried grass felt rough. My hair was long and lonely blowing behind me in the wind. I am 10 years old in this encounter. 

I stood there with a clump of dirt in my right hand. I looked it over for a moment. I saw small pebbles in it and pieces of dried grass. I was facing to the right when I looked up. I closed my eyes and felt the wind as it blew on my face. I opened them and looked out over this endless field of dried up grass. I took a deep breath and I slowly crushed the clump of dirt. I watched the pieces fall from my hand to the ground. There was a sense of relief and release as I did it. I felt a hand on my left shoulder. I closed my eyes and dropped my now empty hand to my side. I didn't have to look to see who it was, I already knew. 

I stood there a moment then said to "I AM" "I have been here before."  "I AM" put his arm around my shoulder and said "But things are different now. There is no storm, no one to come against you....Just peace." I looked at him with tears in my eye's "Then why is the grass still dead? I remember very well that dream. I remember the fear and hopelessness I felt. I remember screaming for help and I couldn't even hear my own voice. I was so terrified." He stepped in front of me and smiled softly "Child, but how did it end? Did the storm not stop? Did I not find you in the midst of all the chaos?" I looked down at the grass "You did, you did find me." He lifted my chin and said "From the beginning I saw you, I knew you, I chose you. I heard your screams though they seemed stifled by the chaos. I knew what was going on and still I came to you. I called you BY NAME."  "I AM" reached down and picked up a clump of dirt. It looked like the one I had crushed. He played with it a bit in his hands and it began to crumble a bit. He looked at me and said "You child, are not this anymore. You have life in you and flowing out of you. Do you remember what happened after I called your name?"  I thought for a moment and looked out over the tall dried dead grass and said "I took your hand. I remember you asked me to follow you. I didn't know who you where but I remember the peace I felt. It was something I had never felt before. And even though I didn't know who you where I took your hand."  He said "But I knew who you where. And even though you didn't know me you still followed me. That day was the day Life began to flow in you. You saw my son, you saw the spirit, you saw me all in one moment. It called to the spirit inside you though your mind could make no sense of it your spirit called back to me." I looked at the dirt in his hand and asked "what will you do with that, with me?" He said "just remind it...you, of the life that inside you." He closed his hands over the clump of dirt and then opened them. The dirt became mud, it was formed in a perfect ball. He handed it t me and said "You have all you need to change this (he looked around at the field) and everything around you." He placed his hand on my chest and said "My son, who you have accepted has made you my child. You have all...and I mean all you need to change this." I knelt down and placed the mud clump on the ground. A small stream of water began to flow from it. It flowed out away from us. I stood up and I watched the once dried grass begin to turn green. It started from the the farthest corner I could see and slowly turned the whole field green. And when it had made its way to me I touched a few blades of the grass with my fingers. Then small  daisies sprouted on the grass and began to cover the field as far as I could see. I saw Jesus making his way across the now green field towards me. When he got to me he put his hand on my face and said "You where never alone, ever." He kissed my head and said "walk with me" he held out his elbow and I held on. We began to walk through the field of green grass. I could feel the change under my feet had changed. I could feel the wet soil and the coolness of the grass. 

I turned and looked behind us "I AM" was waving and he faded away. I looked up at Jesus and smiled so much peace filled my heart. I realized at that moment no matter where I was... I was being cared for. That though my family and many friends had abandoned me..My savior had not.

The last petal

The last Petal

January 13, 2016

I was sitting at a white round table holding a whited rose in my hand. I was wearing a worn white dress that was tattered on the ends. I had on black boots on that where not tied and obviously meant for an adult. It was also unusual for me to have them on. Almost all my encounters I am barefoot I am maybe 7 or eight in this encounter. 

I began to fidget and look around the room. I was an all white space with no walls. I looked at my hands and noticed they where dirty. I stood up and poked down at my dress and notice it was also dirty. I looked around and saw no one. So I began to walk this big white space. I would look back at the table to kinda give me a sense of where I was. I still had the rose in my hand, I carried it by the bottom of the stem which made the rose face the ground. I noticed the farther I got from the table the darker it became. It wasn't real noticeable at first but after a while it became really obvious. 

I turned back to look at the table which was no longer in my view. It seemed now like the light behind me was brighter and almost inviting. But I turned around and when I did I bumped into a wall. I put my hand on it and followed it farther away from the table and light. I then noticed a wall appear on the other side of me. I began to see random mirrors that where tall and wide appear on the walls on both sides. They where 5ft high by 3ft wide. The light here was dim and as I kept walking I heard noises behind me. I turned to find a walls with mirrors had surrounded me. The mirrors would make my image look normal then it would distort it. I got scared and tried to find my way out, but between the dim light and the continuously changing mirrors I couldn't find a way to even move forward. So I gave up and sat down in the middle of al these ever changing mirrors. I was crying because I felt so alone and scared. I looked at the wilted rose in my hand and became angry. I began to  pull the petals out and threw them when I got t the last petal I stopped and looked at it and I calmed down. I began to feel shame I didn't pull the last petal instead I dream my knees to my chest. Looked around at where I was. Still holding the stem with the single petal I buried my face into my knees and sobbed. It felt like I had no hope and was never going to find my way out of the place. After a few moments I let go of the stem, but I never heard it hit the ground. I looked up my face stained with dirt and tears. I saw a man kneeling before me, his face bright white with light. It was Jesus. He was holding the wilted stem with the last petal on it. He said "I will not let you lose that last bit of hope child."He touched my face and my clothes became new and glowed softly. My hands and body where again clean. He didn't pick up the petals I had thrown I watched as they dried up and turn to dust. When the last petal on the ground was gone the stem with the one petal slowly became a new rose, one waiting to bloom. He handed it to me and I took it. He said "I haven't brought you this far just for you to lose all hope and die." He leaned forward an kissed my forehead. Then he said "and what I am giving you is a new hope, not restored from the old, but something new." He stood up and reached out to help me stand. I took his hand but with the big black boots still on my feet I couldn't get up. Jesus knelt down and said "There is freedom in how I walk and where I walk. Are you willing to give these up to walk with me in freedom?" I shook my head yes. He pulled each one off my feet. He said "The weight of the world, the burdens, worries....whatever it is you try to carry is not your job. To try and take care of something you where never meant to take care of will always leave you bound and unable to move in the way I have made you to move. Let me worry about such things, trust me and know I am the hope you search for. I am the love you think you have lost. I hold all things...and everyone in my hands." He held up the boots and said "These things where never meant for you." The boots disappeared andJesus stood up again. He reached out his hand and I took it. This time I stood up with no problems. I put both hands on the stem of the rose and held it close to my chest. I looked around at the dim space and contorted mirrors. Jesus said my name "Casie". I turned back and looked at him and he said to me "illusions and lies....that's all that they are. You are not stuck here, remember who your hope is?" I could see his eyes through the bright white light of his face. They where like light blue glass. They held so much joy, hope and love in them. I looked down at the rose and then to him and said "you are." When I said that a powerful ring of light burst out from around us and shattered al the mirrors and the white light wrapped around us. Jesus kissed my head and said "I will not let you lose hope...ever. I love you child". The bright white light over powered everything till it was gone.