Where to Draw Strength

Where to Draw Strength 2015

I found myself standing at the top of the curved staircase leading down to the fountain covered in Ivy. I was wearing a white dress with a yellow sash around my waist. I was 8 in this encounter. I looked down at the white and grey marbled looking floor. I put my foot out and slowly set it down on the first step in front of me. I could feel the warmth of the floor, and I thought to myself, Why was it warm? I then put my hand on the big marbled rail and began to follow the steps to the bottom. When I reached the last step I stopped for a moment and watched the water from the top spill out over the Ivy it was covered in. I slowly stepped down onto the floor and walked over to it. I was amazed how it grew and survived in this fountain. The plant seemed to grow out of the top where the water came out. I thought, how is it not plugging the hole with its roots? I reached out and touched a leaf with my fingers, examining it for a moment. I stepped back and remembered the cup. I made my way around the fountain to the other side. I saw the cup sitting there with writing on it. The writing was back to the way it was before I picked it up last time. I wanted to pick it up and look at it. I reached out slowly to pick it up but got nervous and pulled my hand back. I heard from behind "You can pick it up child." It was I AM.  He came and stood beside me, "don't be afraid, you can pick it up." He looked down at me and smiled. I looked back tot the cup and picked it up. I looked it over and I ran my hands over the writing on the cup. When I touched the letters they filled with red and changed to BeLoved Child. The red in the letters then quickly faded away. I looked at I AM and asked "What exactly is this cup for? I know we used it to drink before, is that all its for?" I AM reached down past the Ivy and touched the water with his finger tips and asked "Child, do you feel weak and weary?" I thought to myself what did this have to do with my question. "Sometimes, I guess." He looked at me with a suspicious smile, then back at the fountain. He pulled his hand back and stood there in front of me, placing his hand on the side of my face he said in a whisper "Draw some water from the fountain" I looked at him a bit unsure but I took the cup and pushed it under the water filling it and pulled it back out. I saw the words change on the cup from BeLoved Child to Beautiful Life. I looked at it and thought why did it change? "Child, there are many places you can try to draw strength from but only one place can offer you the real strength that you need." I looked down at the cup and then back at him and asked "How do you know I have been weak and weary?" He smiled "I know more about you then you think I do." He knelt down to meet my eye's and he wrapped my hands around the cup and put his over mine, "You can draw strength from me whenever you want. I will never leave you feeling empty and alone." He took his hands away and said "When you are ready, drink." I stood there a moment and looked down at the water in the cup thinking about what he had just said. I put the cup to my lips and began to drink. I could feel the cool sweet water flow throughout my body. I felt peace and safety deep down in my spirit. I felt....refreshed. He tucked a piece of my hair behind my ear and said "I am your strength when you are weak, the peace you crave." I set the cup down on the side of the fountain where I had found it. I saw the writing go back to words I couldn't read. I asked "what if the fountain is plugged by the vine or it stops running?" He looked at me and with a loving smile said "This fountain will never dry up. It can never be choked out by the vine. Like me, it will always be." He stood and picked me up and looked me in the eye's "I love you too much." Then I wrapped my arms around his neck and he held me. As I rested there he turned towards the curved staircase and began to make his way up them.  

Who are you

Who Are You

I was standing outside the old temple at the bottom of the steps, it was where those that wore blue robes sang. I was 16 years old in this encounter and I was wearing a brown robe. I was covered in dirt and ash from head to toe.  I didn't wiggle my toes  because I was frustrated and scared. There was a big metal ring around my neck keeping me from looking down. The large metal ring was attached to two chains one went out to my left the other to my right. Holding the ends of the chains where two shadow figures I knew to be demons. I pulled at the ring but could not break it off. It was 3 to 4 inches wide all the way around. I looked at the two shadow figures and watched how they shifted and moved in the spot where they stood, almost like they couldn't hold an image of any kind. I felt so much shame and guilt as I stood there. Tears where streaming down my dirty face leaving lines on my face. There where two angels standing one on each side of the door. They where at least 20ft tall. I noticed the name on the middle of the two doors changed from Abba to LOVE. The two shadow figures lead me to the top, I saw the word love slowly turn to red and the door click and opened up. The Angels placed their hands on a sword attached to their sides as we passed through. The doors closed behind us once we where through. We were now standing in the back where the light was dim. I looked around to see if I could see anyone. I saw two angels, one on each side, standing at the base of the three steps. They also had their hands on their swords but had not drawn them. I Closed my eye's for a moment, I was so ashamed to be there like this. The shadow figures walked me to the front and stopped several feet out from the steps to the ark. I looked around and I saw I AM walking towards us from the right side, his left hand filled with grapes and olives. He stopped in front of us. The shadow figures began to growl and speak in their own tongue to I AM. He ate a few grapes as he stood there listening, he seemed completely unmoved by them. H then held up his right hand and they stopped. I looked down at the floor and I AM walked over and bent down just enough to catch my eye's. I looked up at him I felt overwhelmed with fear and shame in that moment. "He said in a whisper, "Sweet child, what happened?" I knew he already knew what had happened but still I said "I don't know, I am so sorry!" Tears really began to stream down my face. He then ate an olive. "Sweet child, why are you crying?" I looked at him confused "Can't you see? The chains, the demons?" He then ate a grape and smiled. Just then the demons began to screech at him, and it sounded like many. I covered my ears because it was so loud. I AM raised his hand and they stopped. He then ate another grape then he said "Do you know who you are?" I pulled at the ring around my neck and said "what are you talking about?" The leaned his head to one side and ate an olive. "What is it you think I see?" I looked to my right and left at the shifting shadows that held the large chain around my neck. And out of frustration I again said "Can you not see the chains? And the demons? Can you not see the dirt and the brown robe?" He smiled and said "No." I let out a big loud sigh. I AM stepped closer to me and asked again "Do you know who you are?" I shook my head no. He smiled and said "I do." He took a grape out of his hand and put it in my mouth to eat. As I chewed the grape the ring fell off my neck and my robe turned white. I looked at my arms amazed I was clean, there was no dirt on me. The demons screeched and fell to the ground, it looked like they where covering their ears. Then after a moment they disappeared with the chains. I AM stood there, then he ate an olive. I felt a gentle hand on my shoulder and I turned my head to see Jesus there. I turned towards him and Jesus smiled "You may not know who you are, but I do." He had a piece of bread in his hand and he broke it into two pieces. He handed me one and raised his to his mouth to eat it. So I followed his motions, I ate the small piece of bread. Jesus then Opened his arms wide and I stepped into them. He just held me for a while resting his head on top of mine whispering over and over  "I love you."

Rulers of Worth

Rulers of Worth

I found myself standing in a field of tall green grass, the grass came almost chest high on me. I was 8 in this encounter and I was wearing a white dress that went to my knees. Around my waist there was a yellow sash, I looked down at my bare feet and wiggled my toes. The feel of the dirt and grass beneath my feel felt a bit rough, but it did not hurt. I looked out over the field and watched the grass bend and sway with the wind. I put my hand out and let the grass touch my palm as it blew back and forth. I closed my eye's and just enjoyed the breeze as it flowed through my hair. With my eye's closed I looked up to the sky just to feel the warmth of the sun on my face. It was warm standing there, but the breeze was cool when it touched my skin. I opened my eye's and looked out over the field, I saw a ways out from me I AM he was smiling at me. When he began to walk towards me small daisies began to bloom all over the field. I watched in amazement as they quickly spread. When he was about half way to me he knelt down and held out his arms. I was so excited to see him so I ran to his open arms and he hugged me tight. I AM chuckled and he kissed my face all over as I giggled. He sat down in the grass and studied my face a moment then in a whisper he asked me "How are you my beloved child?" I smiled and before I could answer I saw two rulers appear on the ground. I bent down and picked them up, What where they doing in the grass? I wondered. I looked to I AM for an answer "where did these come from?" I asked him. "Let me see." He said, so I showed him the rulers in my hands. He didn't take them from me but he did look them over. "These are what you have been measuring you worth and your life by. They represent other people's standards for you, and what they think of you." He touched my nose with his finger and asked "How can you hold onto anything else with those in your hands?" I looked the rulers over and then down at the ground. In a low voice I said "Well, it's been pretty difficult." He reached out and lifted my head and asked in a low soft voice "So what should we do with them?" I looked out over the field thinking for a moment "If I put them down how can I be all things to everyone?" I looked back at I AM for an answer. "Ah, let's talk about that a moment. How easy has it been for you to be all things to everyone?" I sighed really big and loud "Stressful. It doesn't seem to matter how hard I try because I always end up making someone mad at me. It seems impossible to do."  He studied my eyes for a moment "Do their opinions really matter?" I thought for a moment then said, "Probably not. But I have to be at peace with everyone. I have to make sure people aren't angry, but again it seems impossible." I was beginning to feel frustrated. I AM reached out and touched my face with his hand "Peace child. If it seems so impossible then what do you think you can do with the rulers?" I looked at them and then set them on the ground in front of him. "I can let them go?" I stood there looking down at the rulers even as he spoke, "Child, do you see the problem here? Do you see the problem with just letting it go?" I looked up at him "No." He sat there quiet, I looked down at them trying to figure out what he meant. After a few moments I picked them back up and looked them over. He got on one knee and asked "do you see the problem now?" I looked at him sad I couldn't figure out how just letting it go wasn't enough. He then held out his hands "Child, it's all about how you let them go. You can't do this on your own. Just putting them down isn't going to help because you really haven't given them up, your still holding them."

I looked at the rulers and I stood there a bit reluctant, but after a moment slowly handed them to him. He placed them both into one hand and I watched as they began to glow with bright white light. Then the light went away and I saw the rulers turn into two small daisies. I AM took the daisies and placed them behind my ear. He kissed my forehead and whispered to me "The only opinion that matters is mine, no one else. You cannot please everyone. Stay focused on me and trust I will take care of any offenses. Sweet child, I think you are beautiful, flawless, you are my beloved." He held out his arms "will you trust me?" I stepped closer and fell into him wrapping my arms around his neck, resting my head on his shoulder. He stood with me in his arms and began to walk the field to the other side. 

The Door

The Door

I found myself standing in a long hallway. I was 10 years old in this encounter and was wearing a white dress with a yellow sash. I began to feel the cold cement under my feet I was uncomfortable and I didn't like it. I took my right foot and rubbed the bottom of it on my left leg trying to warm it up a bit. I then felt a hand on my shoulder It was Jesus, his face was filled with white light and the only thing I could focus on was his eye's. The seemed to touch the deepest part of my being, even to my spirit. It felt like cool waters running through me, and more peace and calm then I could ever understand. He pointed to the hall, smiled and said "Come with me."

He took my hand as we walked this long hall, I saw all kinds of rooms some where clean and bright light showed the through the Windows. Other rooms had papers and such scattered about and the Windows where slightly dirty. Each room was vastly different from the other. After a while we came to a and old wooden door, it looked like it was made out of old railroad ties. It had a log chain crisscrossed in front of it with a big lock. There was an old maroon tattered rug in front of the door. Jesus bent down, rolled it up and set it aside. I looked at him confused, what was he doing? Jesus looked at me and stepped aside "go ahead child, open it." I looked at the chain and lock on the door then back to him, "Open it? With what?" The Spirit appeared next to me smiling. He motioned for me to come closer to the door and he pointed to the lock. Jesus smiled and said "Child you are the key to this room." I looked at the Spirit and he nodded in agreement with him. I looked at my hands a moment then to the door. I reached out and touched the lock with just the tips of my fingers and the log chain and lock hit the floor. I stepped back, caught off guard by what just happened. The Spirit began to dance a bit and picked up the heavy chains and lock like it weighed nothing and he began dancing down the hallway with it and singing before he disappeared. Jesus was laughing a bit as he watched the Spirit make his way down the hall. Then he turned to me with a big smile and said "Only you can open this door." I reached out and took hold of the ring on the door and I pulled and pulled to open it. The hinges where rusted and it squeaked and moaned as it slowly pushed it open. When we got that door open we saw another new door it was painted a light blue. Jesus chuckled "Wow, you really didn't want me to come here, did you?" He said with a smile "now open that one." I opened the second door and we both walked into the room. There was garbage, paper and boxes over flowing with things all over the room. Some places the boxes where stacked so high they almost touched the ceiling.  The three Windows on the far wall where painted over blocking the light from coming into this room. There where a few missed spots though and you could kinda see very small bits of light. Jesus made his way around the boxes and mess in this room. It was so packed it was hard to walk through. When he got to the other side he looked around the room and said "I see you have had difficulty trying to manage this all on your own. There is so much you have tried to keep from me and others. Child your not alone in this, and you don't have to try to manage it that way either." He looked around the room some more and I asked "What, what was that rug for? Why was it so worn?" He walked over to a pile about waist high he leaned over and put both hands on it and said "The rug was where I stood waiting for you to allow me to come in." He looked around the room and back to me with a smile "It's been a while too." He picked up the smallest box in the room and said "Lets start here." He made his way out of the room with the box and I followed. When we walked out I turned and looked back into the room. I knew what was there and why I had been hiding it. It felt scary to hand it off and I felt vulnerable, but I knew it was time. 

Mine 2013

Mine

I found myself in the old temple standing on the edge of the maroon rug. It's 10 in this encounter and was wearing a white dress with a yellow sash around my waist. The dress came to my knees and had white flowers embroidered all over it. The sides of my hair where pulled back and like always I am barefoot. I put my toes over the edge of the rug and wiggled them, I looked down as I enjoyed the soft feel of the rug. I then stepped onto the rug and slowly made my way to the front. As I walked I watched the white flame dance and move above the ark. It would expand out and then pull in sometimes like it was breathing. There was no real rhythm or reason it moved, it was freely doing what it was doing without a "why?" To it. It gave me a sense of freedom just watching it. When I got to the bottom of the 3 steps I looked around but didn't see anyone. I looked back to the ark and watched the flame move, expand, and pull in. I felt so drawn to it, like it was calling my name. I put one foot on the bottom step and I felt a tug on my spirit, so I slowly continued up the steps to the ark.  When I got to the top I reached out my hand slowly to touch the flame. When I touched the flame it was like the breath was pulled out of me I closed my eyes and inhaled. When I opened my eye's and found myself standing on a cloud that had a hint of pink to it. I saw out in front of me to my left a small wooden stand with a massive book that was open. Jesus was standing on my right and when he saw me walked over to me. He touched the side of my face and said "I hear you prayer, and I know your heart ache. But I want to show you there is nothing to fear." He placed his hand on my shoulder and motioned for me to go to where the book was at. I walked over to the book and Jesus said "I want to show you they are in my care and will never be lost." He turned the pages in this book. I didn't see anything written in it. He stopped and ran his hand over the page and said "Look." I looked down and when I saw all four of their names in the book I covered my mouth and began to cry. I reached out and ran my hand over the names of my children, tears streaming. Jesus knelt and I turned to him. He looked me in the eye's and took my hands, then he said "Do you see? They are in my my care. I see them and I know them. Trust me with them, I promise I will take care of them. I am their protection, I am their provider, I am their comfort, and I AM their savior. " the tears where flowing so strong I couldn't wipe them away fast enough. "I needed this." I said with a cracked voice trying to push back the tears. Jesus embraced my face with both hands and studied my face for a moment "I know." He opened his arms inviting me to a hug. I stepped forward and allowed him to hold and hug me. I completely lost it in his arms. I kept apologizing for crying and he pulled his head back to look at me, "You don't have to apologize here." He kissed my head and rested his head on mine. Jesus then scooped me up and carried me towards a bright light on the opposite end. I closed my eye's and felt the warmth of the light as we got closer to it. He stopped just before it and said "Child, I love you so much." Then he stepped into the light with me in his arms. 

Dark Tunnel

Dark Tunnel

I was laying in my bed crying, I had just had a bad dream and was feeling shame and condemnation. The feelings just overwhelmed every part of me. I opened my eyes and saw a hand reach down and pick me up, I closed my eyes as the tears continued to come. I felt my face being embraced and I opened my eye's.  I was 7 yrs old and the first thing I saw was Jesus looking into my eye's I could see the concern and felt his intense love. I reached up with my hands and held on to his arm. I closed my eyes and tried to speak, my voiced cracked as I spoke "Do I really matter?" He pulled me close and just held me as I cried. Jesus said in a whisper "of course you do." After a few minutes I pulled back wiping tears from my face apologizing for being upset and crying. He kissed my forehead and said "Never be afraid to cry, or to be upset around me. I am your safe place." He took my hand and said "walk with me a while." We where in an empty space and before us was a dark tunnel. We made our way into the tunnel, and the farther we got into it the darker it became. I let go of his hand trying to find the wall. The walls where rounded not flat, I tried to reach back to Jesus but could not find him in the dark. I began to panic and began to cry uncontrollably. He touched my finger tips and said softly "I am still here." I grabbed his hand with both of mine and stood there in a panic crying and telling how scared I was to be there in the dark. He pulled in in close and held me, "you are not alone here, you never where or will be." He stood there just holding me as I lost it. My chest began to glow and he pulled back just a little to look at me.  I could see his face in the faint light that came from my chest.  He embraced my face and said in a whisper, "You are safe here with me." He wiped the tears from my face and said "I am still here, even when you can't see me." I just let him hold me a bit longer, I had my head on his chest listening to his heart beat. My body began to be a peace and I calmed down. I let go and backed up a bit. I wiped the remaining tears from my face, and in the faint light I saw him reach out his hand to me. I took his hand and he pointed and said, "Do you see the light down there?" I looked it was hard to see but there was a faint light a ways out from us. He said "walk with me." I nodded and we began to walk to the faint light in front of us. The closer we got the brighter the light got, when we reached the end of the tunnel the light filled the space at the end. I saw a fain figure in the light, then I heard him call my name. I AM stepped out of the light and I ran to him and he embraced me. I was crying out of relief mostly. He held me, laughed and said "You are so precious to me, and someday you will see just how much you mean to me. It will chase the darkness away and all you will see is the light." He kissed my head and picked me up, "I love you child, so so much." He turned and he walked us into the light

Fire and Twisted Branches

Fire and Twisted Branches

I found myself walking down a dried up path, I could feel the dry dirt on my bare feet. I wiggled them a moment and the dust stuck to my toes like a magnet. I was 10 and  wearing a white blue robe. I noticed the dust didn't stick to the robe just my feet. I walked for a while on this path, and I saw nothing but dead trees and cracked dried earth. I stopped and watched as the sun began to set, when it reached the horizon if stopped. I noticed there was a long line of dried dead trees on both side of the path a ways out from where I stood. I saw a long line of fire come from the resting sun and touch the trees in front of me, first on my left then my right. The fire quickly took over the dead trees causing a fire as high as four feet high. I took a step back the heat was intense. I began to spread to the dried dead plants and such on the ground consuming it. The fire moved towards me and so I was surrounded by the fire in a circle. The flames where taller than I was. The fire was five feet around me all the way around, even though it was so close I could not feel the heat from it. I became afraid because I didn't know how to get out of the circle of fire. I then felt a hand on my shoulder, I turned to see the Spirit beside me. He smiled at me and asked "child why are you so afraid?" I looked at him and back at the fire, "I don't know how to get out of this." He pointed to the fire and said "Just walk through it." I asked "won't I get burned? How can I walk through that?" He put his hand on my chest and said in a whisper "You can't, but HE can. Go child, walk through it and find the path. Don't forget, I am here with you." I took a deep breath and took the Spirit's hand and said "Okay" and I began to walk towards the fire. I still felt no heat touch my skin and my clothes were not singed as I walked through that fire. When I was on the other side I turned around quickly to see the ring of fire still there. I looked down at my clothes and then to the Spirit, "I thought you would make it disappear or something, why is it still there? Why didn't you just make it go away?" The Spirit walked over to me and placed his hand on my shoulder and said "This time I walked with you through the fire. I wanted you to see there is nothing to fear because I am with you." I then saw the fire dry up and the trees that where once there where now twisted branches. The branches covered the road in front of me and where so wrapped together there was no was you could push through it. The line of twisted branches ran as far as I could see to my left and right, so I could not walk around them. The Spirit walked over and handed me a book. "What's this for?" He pointed to it and I opened it. I read the words on the page, it said Psalms 113. I turned the page and saw Psalms 113 written by had in cursive. I ran my hand over the written words, it kinda meant a lot to me that someone would right it out by hand. I looked to the Spirit for direction, he pointed to the book so I began to read the written words on the page and as I did they lit up with gold sparkling light, it said:

The Majesty and Condescension of God

113 Praise the Lord!

Praise, O servants of the Lord,

Praise the name of the Lord!

2 Blessed be the name of the Lord

From this time forth and forevermore!

3 From the rising of the sun to its going down

The Lord’s name is to be praised.

4 The Lord is high above all nations,

His glory above the heavens.

5 Who is like the Lord our God,

Who dwells on high,

6 Who humbles Himself to behold

The things that are in the heavens and in the earth?

7 He raises the poor out of the dust,

And lifts the needy out of the ash heap,

8 That He may seat him with princes—

With the princes of His people.

9 He grants the barren woman a home,

Like a joyful mother of children.

Praise the Lord!

When I was finished reading it tears ran down my face. The Spirit walked over to me and took my hand and my chest began to glow. I grew brighter and the Spirit also began to glow. We began to walk towards the twisted branches across the dried up road. When we got close to the they separated and moved off the path. But as they did long thorns appeared on them we walked about 5 feet through the twisted branches before reaching the other side. When we got to the other side I turned around and looked at where we had walked. I noticed that where my footprints where in the dirt bright green grass had grown. Not just one or two but all of them. I looked down at my feet and saw grass grow around them. I turned to look at the Spirit but he was gone. I looked back at the footprints just in awe. Then I heard him speak my name, it calmed everything inside me. My Spirit knew his voice, I didn't even have to turn around to know who it was. I lowered my head and turned to face him. Jesus said "Child, why do you look down?" He came closer and knelt down to meet my eye's "There is no shame here, none. I know things seem dry, desolate, and dead, But I am leading you to better things. To a place of peace, love, and family." I looked behind him and saw green grass everywhere, Lush bushes with flowers and healthy trees. He stood up and reached out his hand, I was reluctant but I took his hand. Jesus looked down at me and said "Walk with me." And we began to walk this landscape of beauty and peace. I watched as small white petals blew and spun in a circle across my path. Jesus walked us over to a big old oak tree and he sat down at the base of it. I looked up at the tree, it was larger then any tree I had seen before. Jesus said "Come, come rest with me a while. You are safe with me." I sat down in his lap, he leaned back against the tree and we just sat there enjoying the moment. After a while I became tired and he whispered "close your eyes and rest, you are safe with me." So I closed my eyes and slowly drifted off to sleep.