Forgiving unforgiveness 02-2014

Forgiving the Unforgiveness

I found myself in the back of the old temple, I had on a long white robe and my feet where bare. I stood in the dim lit area for a moment, in my hands was a small red box that I held tightly to my chest. I walked over to the edge of the maroon rug and looked down at it, I took a step back from it and saw there was a few feet between the maroon rug and the columns. I looked up at the alter and watched the white flam dance and move, in that moment I felt deep sadness and was struggling with just feeling "okay." I made my way around to the side of the rug and walked to the front between the columns and the maroon rug. When I got to the second to last column I sat down, I drew my knees to my chest and held the little red box so tight to my chest my hands hurt. I saw Jesus appear next to the ark, the white flame was surrounding him as well as the top of the ark. He began to walk down the steps and the flame remained on him but separated from the ark. When he got to the bottom of the steps he stopped and the flame faded, he was now glowing a soft white. He looked over at me with a soft smile and concern on his face. I scooted around to the side of the column and pushed the box down between my knees and chest. I wrapped my arm around my legs so he could not see it at all. Jesus walked over to me and as he went to step off the maroon rug it stretched out in front of him so his feet never touched the actual floor. With each step it stretched out till he stopped in front of me. He then reached down and touched the rug and it appeared under me and all around the column. I watched as it did this with amazement, as I was now sitting on the rug. There was no gap between me and it any longer. He didn't say a word he just sat down next to me on the rug, so close we where touching. My heart was beating hard and fast in the silence. Jesus then whispered "Why are you hiding?" I pulled out the red box and held onto it so tight you could see my knuckles turn white. Tears began to roll down my face, I couldn't stop them. He asked in a soft gentle voice "Why are you so afraid child?"  I choked out the words "I am afraid to let you see, I am afraid you will punish me and send me way." The tears fell faster and I laid my head on my knees and sobbed. He put his arm around me and pulled me closer to him. "I already know what is hidden in the box, things you think I can't see. I will never force you to share them. I am not here to judge you, I am here to love you and let you know you are not alone." He kissed the top of my head and I looked up. I took the box and looked it over. I whispered "I had no choice, and I hate him for it." Jesus looked at me with love and said "give it to me, I will carry the weight for you." I whipped the tears from my face and said "why would you want to carry it?" He kissed my forehead and said "because I love you." I looked down at the red box and said to him, "there is a lot of anger and hate in this box. Thing I could never talk about, (clears throat) not even to you." I stretched out my legs in front of me and put the box on them, "I don't know how to give those things to you, but if you want them you can have them." Tears began to flow down my face again. I looked at him and said "I just don't want to talk about it." He whispered back to me "I know." He reached down and touched the top of the box and said "open it." I looked at the box then to him and asked "I don't know if I can." He reached down and slowly opened the box, and I saw two daisies inside. I was caught off guard and reached into the box pulling them out, "How??" He looked at me and touched my face with his hand and whispered, "I forgave your Unforgiveness long ago." He pulled me closer with his other arm and he held me for a moment. He rested his head on mine and reached down took the two daisies out and handed them to me. I looked them over admiring them, It felt good to know I was safe here. That he was not angry and instead of scolding me and casting me aside he instead drew me closer to himself. I whispered back to him trying to hold back tears of relief "Thank you." He kissed my head again and said "I love you."