Rope 2017

I had a dream last night where God came to speak with me. I have asked him a lot of questions these past few weeks, and he has answered many of them. The dream I had last night was in regards to my marriage to Bryan and my kids. This was my dream. 

I was standing in complete darkness and I could hear growls and whispering all around me but I couldn't see anything not even my own hands. I sat down afraid to move in the darkness because I didn't know what was out there. I felt deep sadness and alone. I closed my eyes and a tear rolled down my face. I wiped the tear with my hand and I saw it was glowing white. I looked at the tear and the little bit of light from it softened the darkness. Then I noticed it the faint light a face looking at the tear too. It was "I AM". He was smiling at me. There was a soft glow of whit light that began to shine from his face and body. The brighter it became the less I noticed the darkness. He was on one knee looking at me. The tear in my hand disappeared. "I AM" took my hands and said "stand with me" so with his help I stood up. The darkness now was faded and away from us. As wee stood in the light coming from him "I AM" said "here hold this" he had in his hand three cords that where brown like rope. He tied the top and handed the top to me. He then took the strands and wove them together to make a thick rope. He didn't tie the bottom, instead he held it with his right hand. He took the part I had and held it above his head while still holding the bottom. "I AM" looked at me and said "The question you ask often is about your marriage. You feel like I am condemning you for leaving this marriage." In a whisper I said "I never said that." I looked down at the ground feeling shame wash over me. "I AM" took the rope and held it out in front of him, still holding the ends and said "See, right there you feel as if I am looking at you judging you for leaving. You don't have to say those exact words, but it's true." I started to cry, I couldn't even look at him I was so ashamed. He then said in a whisper "Hold out your hands" so I did. He put the tied part of the rope in my hands. "Child, look at me." I looked up from the rope and he whispered "I release you from this." And he let go of the untied part of the rope. The rope quickly unraveled the top untied and it all fell to the floor. I looked down at it and it disappeared. I fell to my knees, covered my face and cried. He knelt in front of me and said in a whisper "Your kids are in my watchful care, I have their hearts. Where you are right now is where I want you to be. I prepared this place of peace and rest for you. I was not surprised by any of it. I had a plan all a long." I wiped the tears from my face and asked "So you want me to be happy? Even though I failed my children?" He touched my face and said "You haven't failed. You are learning and growing here. And you are taking that love and message back to your children. Tell them I love them. Tell them I am not angry with them. Tell them I am always near." He lifted my head so our eyes met "You are right where I want you. You have my permission to enjoy every minute of it." He kissed my forehead. Then he stood and reached out to me and I took his hand. When I stood up he pulled me close and hugged me tight for a while. Then the light around us grew so bright I couldn't see and I woke up. 

In Love With You

In Love With You 

I was standing in front of the ark of God in the old temple, I was watching the bright flame above it move and dance. I then felt a faint breeze and I heard I AM whisper my name. I then walked up the steps, feeling drawn I began to walk past the ark to the door to the new temple. I saw the two massive angels kneeling behind their wings as I walked past. I walked into the new temple and I was wearing a beautiful white gown. I stood in the doorway and I could see the 3 thrones off to the right. they where decorated with red cloth and beautiful flowers. I saw a red rug from where I was standing to the thrones. I noticed my clothes had changed from my jeans and t-shirt into a beautiful white gown. I was 10 years old in this encounter. I reached up and felt a crown on my head. I took the crown off and looked at it. It was gold and had beautiful jewels all around it. As I looked at it a part of me became sad, I thought to myself I don't deserve this. I then heard a voice from behind me. I turned and saw I AM he was wearing a white robe with a red sash. He asked me "Why are you so sad child?" I looked down at the crown I was holding and said to him "Papa, I don't deserve this. I feel I am not worthy enough to wear such a beautiful crown." he smiled and said "Sweet child you are worthy. I wish you would see your worth. I wish you would see how bright and clean you are in my Son. How you see yourself is skewed and distorted, trust me...it is not how I see you." he took the crown from my hands and placed it back upon my head. He kissed my forehead and said "I wish you could see...how much I love you." I looked down at the floor and he took his right hand and lifted my head so that my eyes would meet his and he said, "I am crazy in love with you and everything about you" I chuckled a little. I AM took my hand and said "Shall we?" I smiled and took his hand and he lead me down the hall to the garden door. He stopped in the doorway and breathed in deep "Child, I want nothing more then to spend time with you, to show you things you have never seen." he looked at me and continued "I want you to learn how much I truly love you. This way no matter what may come at you in life...you will never again have to question my love for you." I looked down at the ground ashamed because I knew I questioned his love all too often. I AM knelt down to meet my eye's and said "Child, do not be ashamed. I don't judge you for doubting, I see your heart. I know the love you have for me, I know your fears and doubts before you can speak them. I am not offended by your lack of understanding. Child, life has been hard on you. And I know many who have used that word Love and have shown you anything but what that word really means. I know it is hard for you to understand the Love I have for you, but know sweet child, it's there. Know there is nothing that can take it from you, nothing you can do will cause it to waiver. My love for you is vast and beyond your understanding." I began to cry, tears streamed down my face. I AM reached up and wiped away my tears and said "Child, sweet child, you mean more to me then you will ever know." he stood up, took my hand and we walked out onto the stone made patio in the garden. He lead me to a Daisy bush and stopped. I AM stepped in front of me, held both my hands and looked me in the eye's. He smiled then said "Look at the daisies and tell me what you see?" I looked down at the bush, the flowers standing tall and glowing a soft bright white. I looked at them for a moment when I noticed in the middle of this beautiful bush was a daffodil that had grown and bloomed. I looked at I AM with tears still in my eyes, but couldn't speak a word.  He said "I heard your cries for so many years, cries for freedom, to be loved, to be away from the pain. I counted every tear and sat with you through many dark nights. I know you think there where times I left your side, it broke my heart." He whispered "Know I did not leave your side...never...not once." I could see him fighting back tears, I began to weep. he reached out with both hands, embraced my face and said "I was always there, always....your darkest nights I held you in my arms, I wept with you." tears rolled down his face and he kissed my forehead. He wrapped his arms around me and said, "one day you will understand just how close I was." he kissed the top of my head as he embraced me tight. As he held me we cried together...after a few moments he stood up and took my hand. We walked together to a stone bench under a tree. I noticed as we sat down the sun was beginning to set. When we sat down he wrapped his arm around me and we watched the sun as it set. It slowly disappeared behind the mountains in the distance. After the sun was gone he said "look, look up at the sky" I looked up and saw so many stars I could not count them all. he said "You couldn't see the stars when the sun was up, when it was shining bright. It wasn't until the sun was gone that you saw all the stars, they where always there even though you couldn't see them." I turned and looked at I AM and I studied his face and eyes for a moment, but I could not speak. He smiled, kissed my forehead. I watched as tear rolled down his face he pulled me close and held me tight. And in that moment as we sat looking at the stars I thought, "What kind of God is this that would pull me so close and weep with me

Tree by the water

God Encounter 2014

Tree by the water

I was walking down a path, out a ways in front of me was a river. I noticed a tree close to the water. I walked over to the river and stood next to the tree. I saw the tree had only a few dead leaves on it. The tree looked like it might have been dead. I looked around and saw green grass and other trees with leaves. With my hand the trees trunk I looked up at its branches and kinda felt sad for it. I saw one of the last dried up leaves float from the tree and land in the water. The leaf floated quickly away from where I was. The river was flowing fast and steady. I was barefoot and could feel the cool grass under my feet. I slowly made my way down to the edge of the water. The rocks where smooth closer to the water so I stood on one. I was wearing a white sun dress and the bottom of it moved as the wind began to pick up. I got to the edge of the rock I touched the tip of my toe into the water. I saw a ring of ripples go out across the river. As the ring moved the river began to slow down and stop flowing. I knelt down next to the edge of the river and cupped my hands together. I stuck them into the water and drew some water out. I closed my eye's and felt the wind begin to pick up even more. With my eyes still closed, I began to drink the water I drew out. When I was finished the wind began to blow extremely hard and it whipped around me. I put my arms out as if I was surrendering to it. When I did my spirit was stirred, so I just stood there and let the wind wrap around me for a while. After a few moments the wind stopped. I opened my eye's and I saw green leaves on the water, I turned and looked up at the tree behind me that was dead. I saw all the remaining dead leaves where gone. I turned around and made my way up the rocks to the dead tree. I put my hand on the trunk of the tree and again looked up at its branches, I was still felt sad for the tree. I looked out over the still river water, I put my right arm around the tree and just leaned against it. I closed my eyes and felt the wind pick up again. when the wind died down I opened my eyes and noticed I was standing in the shade. I pulled away from the tree in shock. I turned and saw the tree was in full bloom! It had new green leaves and even fruit had appeared. I felt a soft breeze and I head my name whispered in it. I turned towards the river and saw Jesus walking across it to me. When he got to the edge of the water where I had been, he stopped. Jesus reached out his hand and motioned for me to come to him. I looked up at the tree once more and I let go. I made my way down the rocks back to the edge of the water. Jesus was still standing on the water. His face was full of light but I could see his eyes. They where like glass. There was such purity and love in them it pierced my very soul. "What happened to that tree?" I asked him. "Life."  I looked back at the tree then to him "Where did it come from? It was dry and dead before you came." He smiled at me and I realized what had happened. I made my way back to the tree. Jesus followed me up the rocks. When I got to the tree I put my hand on the trunk. I looked up at the beautiful green leaves and fruit that now filled the tree. "I felt sad for this tree, I wanted so much for it to be like this." I said. Jesus put his hand on the trunk and looked up at the branches a moment then down at me, "This tree represents you child." I looked at him "Me? Why me?" He touched my face with his other hand, "You have lived for so long without life." He looked back up at the branches full of leaves and fruit then said "And soon I will bring you to a place where you will be flowing with life." He looked back at me, "I feel your sadness and longing for me, though I have always been right here you haven't seen me. For so long you couldn't hear me, but soon you will. You will hear words of life and light , and your soul will find living water. Your dried up branches will fill with life, so much so you will be overflowing." I stood there a moment studying the tree and then I turned to him and asked "when will this happen for me?" Jesus reached out his hand and said "walk with me."