Here is a little more about my story....
I remember when I was in 11th Grade I was going to a Catholic church. I had been catholic since I was about 8th grade. I was put in a catholic school because I got kicked out of my school for fighting. I didn't fit well there and when I went back into foster care I found that each church I went to it became harder and harder for me. When I was in 11th grade i was moved by the foster system to a halfway home in hastings, this was to be only a 30 day stay., but it ended up being almost 4 months. The worker had changed several times and they lost my file...no one knew I was there. they found my file in a shred pile. I was there while they looked for another placement, at this point I was struggling horribly. I had been moved every 4-6 months since 8th grade. I had actually got to a point where I stopped unpacking my stuff because it made no sense to me anymore. Nothing in my life seemed stable. I remember being allowed by the worker to go to the catholic church on October 26th. I remember very well sitting in the pew. After everyone left and I waited for my ride I began thinking. I became angry and frustrated with God and I remember standing up and saying out loud..."if you can part the sea and do all these great things then why have you allowed all these bad things in my life? How can a God who is suppose to be so mighty confined to a gold box..." the person from the halfway came in and I left.
While at this halfway house I met someone from my childhood, his name was Danton. He had lived next to my grandma when I was 8 years old. I remember playing hide and seek with this guy. He and another worker there talked with me about Jesus and said I needed to say a prayer to accept him into my heart. Now I know I had known God a while but I did it. it was November 17, 1997. I remember this because they began to talk with my guardian and worker to let me go to the assembly of God church. I remember going and the first Sunday hearing the pastor Ted Brust talk about this risen Jesus. It was like I had never heard it before. In the catholic church it was always about his death. I began to think there is more?
I then joined Northshore's youth group and was quickly placed as an intern under the youth pastor. after being under him about a month I was moved to a home in beaver city. The people there where christian but they were horrible to me. I was left out of everything the family did. I was told I was worthless. The father of the house told me God was angry with me and that God wanted to break me. I fought them though when I tried to start a bible study at school. they said someone like me should not make waves. The school tried to stop me but I looked up the law and I presented it to my school. They then had to allow me to do it. My foster parents were so angry they said as long as I had the bible study I would be grounded. I only lived at there house for 3 months and then I was moved again. My senior yr of high school I was 18 and the state decided to move me back to hastings and place me in my own apartment.
While I was living in a basement apartment they found for me I went back to work as an intern under the youth pastor at Northshore. I did a drama group and I organized a group to go to fine arts. I made the youth group banner by hand. The church knew who I was. As my 19th birthday drew near I was told by my worker I would no longer be supported by the state to live in my apartment. I didn't know what to do. I had nowhere to go. so while most kids where planning Graduation parties I was trying to find a place to live. My cap and gown was paid for by a teacher because I didn't have the money. when my birthday came I was kicked out of my apartment. I had workers driving the few belongings I could take with me to the homeless shelter where they left me and walked away.
I stood in the doorway to the office there with a few trash bags with my belongings in it and I was sobbing. what was I going to do? I lived there a short while working full time and finishing high school. I saved some money and went to my first and only christian camp. That's where I met Pastor Toby. The camp had drama classes and he taught one. I kept going to the same class and Toby came to me and asked if I had considered Masters commission. I said I had but explained my situation to him. I told him I was living in a homeless shelter. He laughed and said yeah right. So I gave him the number. He called the shelter a week after camp. The staff there answered the phone and Toby was in shock. he told me to save what I could and that would be my tuition. (tuition was $2600 I came with only $500) before I left my time at the shelter ended and I was living on the street. My youth pastor stood me before this church of 500-600 people and told them my need. Now I had worked for this church a while they all knew who I was and not one person offered to help me in any way. I became angry at the church and bitter. I quit going and wanted nothing to do with any of them.
One day that summer before Masters I had fallen and hurt my wrist. I went to the hospital to have my wrist looked at. The nurse asked me some questions about my address because I didn't put one down. I burst into tears and I told her I had no place to live and we talked about 10 min about my situation. She left the room and came back. she had called her Parents and told them my situation. They told her to take me to their house that I could stay there. These people had taken a sheet and pinned it to the basement ceiling. They cornered off a section in there family room in the basement, put a bed in there, a lamp stand and a lamp. I lived there till masters commission started. They even took me because I had no car. they drove me the 2 1/2 hours to Omaha from Hastings NE.
I remember thinking why would random people have more compassion for me then the church I had been apart of for almost 2 yrs. I remember how angry I was with the church as a whole and I carried that with me for yrs. Even through Masters Commission.
