The Gift 2015

God Encounter 2015

The Gift 2015

I am standing in a white room and before me is a white round table with two chairs. Off to my left is a counter with cabinets above it like in a kitchen, they were an off white though. I walk over to the table and sit down. I was 8 years old in this encounter wearing a white dress with a yellow sash. I look around the room and noticed the walls where made of white light. I folded my arms on the table and laid my head down. I began to think of all the things going on in my life. My heart was broken by people I had lost. A tear fell from my eye and before it hit the table it disappeared. I sat up a little caught off guard. I wiped the table with my hand to see if I could find the tear but the table was dry. That's when I saw the jar appear before me. I reached out and picked it up to look at it. It was the size of a regular mason jar, and it even had a lid on it. I then heard I AM whisper " I told you, I keep everyone" I looked up at him and he smiled. I AM walked over to the table and sat down. He reached out for the jar and I gave it to him. He looked at it and said as if remembering a Tim long ago "From the very first tear till the very last I will count and keep." He set the Jar down and said "I have not missed a moment in your life child, good or bad. I have sat by your side through the worst of it all." He sighed and took my hand, "I know you're afraid, but I won't give up on you" I looked at him then down at the table and said nothing. I was trying hard not to cry. He took my hand and kissed it, "I know where your at, I see your pain. I know your struggle. Child, I am not afraid of the questions, the uncertainty, or the reluctance. I'm just not. So please don't pull away." At this point I could no longer hold back the tears they began to flow. I AM leaned in close,  touched his forehead to mine and said "I will walk with you through this darkness." I wiped the tears from my face and looked at him. He got up and walked over to the counter across the room. He  reached up and opened the top cabinet. He pulled out a small gift wrapped in blue,red and yellow paper. He came over and sat down. The gift It had red ribbon wrapped around it and tied in a bow on top. It had a name tag on it with my name. I AM sat down next to me and nudged me with his shoulder, that's for you. I looked at the gift and picked it up. He said "There are many gifts to come,  some you have yet to unwrap" I opened the gift it was a black book with Gold lettering on the front that said---יהוה (Yahweh)

The edge of the pages where lined with gold. I opened the book to the first page and it read "To My BeLoved child" I looked up at him and he said "This will make sense to you soon. Keep it close and write all this down." I ran my hand over the front of the book. The letters on the front where engraved into the book. I could feel the texture of each letter. I picked up the book and held it to my chest and said to I AM "I don't always understand what your doing or why. I don't understand why you keep pursuing me." I looked down at the table with the book still held to my chest. He leaned into me and wrapped his arm around, he gently smiled "Do you have to understand? You don't have to understand why I love you to be loved. Things don't have to make sense for me to wrap my arms around you and hold you. You just need to know I love you, and I am here for you." He tucked my hair behind my ear, the look on his face was full of love. He then stood up and reached out his hand. I held the book in my left hand and took his hand. He pulled me in and held me tight. He kissed my head a few times and said "We walk through this darkness together." The walls made of light began to glow bright till it all disappeared. 

Because I love you 2015

God Encounter 2015

Because I love you

I am standing before a full length mirror in my room, but I don't see my reflection in it. I am 14 years old in this encounter and wearing a long white dress with a v shaped neck. I reached out to the mirror with the tips of my fingers and wondered why. I pulled my hand back and I looked around the room, it had wood floors which was cold beneath my feet, light blue walls and no furniture other then this mirror. I reached out again to touch the mirror with my finger tips. The glass began to ripple like water, it startled me and I pulled my hand back. I noticed even in the ripples there was still no reflection of me at all. I felt a slight breeze and I looked up to see The Spirit standing next to the mirror. When he appeared the rippling had stopped. "Why is there no reflection of me? I can see the rest of the room in the mirror, but not me." He stepped forward and asked softly "Where are you child?" I stepped back from the mirror and just looked at it. Tears began to stream down my face, "Right now? I don't know." I looked down at my feet and the Spirit walked over t me, He lifted my head "You can't see it can you? I know your heart is troubled and I can feel your hurt and uncertainty." I felt numb as I looked at the empty mirror, "See what?" I wiped the tears from my cheeks and I tried to choke out the words "Why do you come here?" His eye's burned so bright, they where like fire a clear kinda white fire. He embraced my face, " Child I come because I love you. In fact, I never leave you. Ever." He tucked the hair behind my ear and touched my face. "You still haven't answered my question, Why can't I see myself in the mirror?"  He turned and touched the mirror and it began to ripple again. "The father is coming, the Spirit kissed my cheek and smiled, he then turned and walked through the mirror. The ripples stopped. I walked back over to the mirror and touched it again with my finger tips, nothing happened. I heard I AM's voice from behind, "It's there child, you just don't see it." I turned around and looked at him, "What do you mean?" He stood by me and we both looked at the mirror, I AM whispered "Your worth."  I looked at him funny "What does my worth have to do with my reflection?" He looked at me and said gently, "Everything. Your own personal worth is non existent. You don't see yourself in the mirror because you don't believe your worth being seen, being loved, and so on, so you see nothing." I looked down at the floor and I wiped more tears from my face and said nothing.  He stood before me and reached out and took my hands. "You may not see your worth, or even believe you have any. But child, I see it. If you could only look through my eye's you would see it too." I looked at him "I don't know how." He smiled and kissed my forehead and smiled, "That's why I am here." He turned and placed his arm around my shoulder and said "let's look together." He reached out with his finger tips and touched the glass and it began to ripple, when the ripples stopped I saw Jesus, he smiled at me and faded a bit like he had become transparent. I gasped and covered my mouth when I saw myself inside him. I was glowing white, I was clean, beautiful and a young child. I touched the glass and fell to my knees and wept. The mirror disappeared and I AM knelt down to meet my eye's, he whispered "You were worth my son. That's how I see you when I look at you, Innocent, beautiful, clean. You are my child and you are worth everything to me." I wrapped my arms around his neck and cried on his shoulder. After a moment he pulled back and kissed my face several times. He stood up and reached down to help me up. I took his hand. I saw a door appear across the room and together we walked through it. 

No going back 2015

God Encounter 2015

-His perfect timing even in editing these out-

No going back 2015

I stood in the new temple facing the three thrones. I was 14 years old barefoot as usual and wearing a white colored robe. I turned around and saw the massive doors leading back to the old temple. I knew It had been destroyed and I was drawn up in a cloud of light with Jesus.  But I stood there wondering if I open the door if it would it still be there. That maybe it had not really been destroyed. It was the place where I felt safe and secure, It was the place I first met I AM. I reached out to touch the massive door I heard someone coming up behind me. I closed my eye's and stopped right before touching the door. I AM walked up next to me and looked at me, not with guilt or anger but concern. I sighed and pulled my hand back. He asked me "Where are you child?" He had asked this question many times before. I thought to myself, 

'I know he knows the answer so why does he ask?" I shrugged my shoulders and said "I don't know."  I AM put his hand on my shoulder and said "Grieving is normal. I know what that place meant to you. But child you have come so far since then. The temple and the ark was the beginning of a new relationship with me. I know structure can be comforting but the unknowns, believe me are so much more exciting. I have so much outside that place I want to show you, it's time to put down that place and pick up freedom." My heart sank, I now knew for certain the old temple was gone. I longed for it though, for its familiar and comfortable environment. I long for those places of hiding and waiting. A tear fell down my cheek as a reached out and placed my hand on the door. I AM placed his hand over mine, and said gently, "I know this way is scary, but know there is just as much love and grace to come as there was in that place. There are new things to see and learn. As always, I will be with you every step of the way." I pulled my hand back from the door and I tried to talk around the tears,  "so there's no going back? Ever?" He pulled me in and kissed my head, and said "Child, let it become a memory. Let it become a place of lessons, the beginning of friendships… Let it be a season that has passed. Every season has it's bittersweet moments, but as you enter the next season there will be new adventures, new provision, and friends." The tears begin to flow down my face as I thought about all those that I have left behind in my life as a whole. Including all the small dreams. So to lose this place was difficult. I took a deep breath and said "Then papa, I will do my best to let the season fade" I AM still holding me in his embrace, "Child I want to to each you to walk, to help you take the steps that will allow you to take back your authority, your assertiveness, and your voice. Child, you have captured my heart. You have all of my attention at every moment. I am watching you grow from a child into a young woman of grace and beauty. You may not see it yet but as you become more confident you will." He kissed my head and held me tight. Then he let go and walked over to the door and touched it with his finger tips. The whole room shuck and the door begin to shrink. It shrunk down into a large picture frame about 6 foot tall and 8 foot wide. He whispered words I didn't understand as he changed this door into a picture. When he stepped back I saw the picture in the frame was of me sitting on the top step in the temple leaning against the ark of God with my head and hand rested on it. That first moment I had really ever had with him in the old temple. He looked at me and said "That was the first time you push past yourself to reach me, that was the day you touched my heart. You wanted to be with me was more than the want for anything else" I walked up to the picture and ran my fingers over the ark, remembering exactly how it felt and every emotion I felt there in that moment. I remembered thinking, he could never top this moment. I turned and looked at him still with tears in my eye's. I saw passion in his eyes for me, his eye's also almost turned to white fire like the Spirit's, but far beyond. His eye's became like nothing I had ever seen before. He reached out and embraced my face, calming every emotion inside me and said in a voice like thunder and a rushing wave mixed together, "You, your life, is a song. It sings a song that has touched my heart. A song only you can sing." I looked down and said "But there are a lot of people out there, a lot of songs. I am sure if mine was to fade, you wouldn't be able to notice." He lifted my head and I looked into his passionate eye's as he smiled really big, "Of course I would notice. It speaks to apart of me that no other song can. I would notice, and I would miss it. But, it will never fade out! How could I let it? Why would I allow it? You don't understand right now what it means to be loved by me. You Have always seen me as the enemy, but I am passionately in love with who you are, with everything about you. And a passionate love like mine never runs away, it never lets go no matter what! In fact it will chase you to the ends of time and space to wrap its arms around you and consume you with love. That's who I am." He kissed my forehead and pulled me in to embrace me, and I could feel the passion and love roll off him and wrap around every part of who I was. My tears of sorrow turned to tears of joy and thanksgiving, my body gave in completely and I sink into his embrace. Then we both began to glow a bright white and as the light got brighter, everything else faded away

Clean slate 2015

God Encounter 2015

Clean Slate

I was standing on a white sandy beach, with sand that felt like silk beneath my feet. I dug my toes into the sand and wiggled them enjoying the feeling. I was about 7 years old wearing a light yellow sundress. I looked down and saw and odd little piece of sand, it was teal and red in color. It was so small but I didn't want to lose it so I put it in the small pocket on my dress. Then I rutted my attention to the ocean, I stood there and watched the waves wash over the sand around my feet and pull back out to the sea. I noticed each time it happened it took a little more sand with it. I wiggled my toes in the water and sand, and I smiled. I then saw I AM appear next to me wiggling his toes in the mix of water and sand too. We both laughed and I took his hand, he said "Child each time the water washes out it takes some of the sand with it. It will flow out to the sea and never return to this spot."  he knelt down next to me so he was eye level with me. He picked up a tiny piece of sand and showed it to me, then placed it on my foot. When the water came in and rushed over my feet the piece of sand disappeared with it. I AM pointed at the water, smiled and and said "That's a big ocean and one tiny piece of sand." He took my hand,  "Beloved, this is a clean slate. There are possibilities before you that you could never imagine, let the piece of sand get lost and allow yourself to forget about it. Don't try to search for it, because you won't find it. Instead embrace the freedom of letting go. The good, the bad...Child start a new." I put my hand in the small pocket on my dress, and remembered the small odd piece of sand I had found. I pulled out the tiny piece of sand. I AM said, "I remember that painful moment, you have held it close for so long." He touched my face and asked "It's almost painstakingly difficult to keep track of isn't it? Always trying to keep tabs on it and having it keep you from moving forward?" I looked at him and nodded yes. Tears filled his eye's, "it has been a burden, heavier than a Boulder, yet it is so small. Sweet child will you let it go?" I paused a moment and spoke to him in a whisper,  "yes."  He turned on one knee and said, "There's a big ocean, and thats a pretty small piece of sand." He looked at me with a loving smile. I closed my eye's and took a deep breath, I opened them and threw the tiny piece of sand out into the water, I didn't even see where it has landed, but it was gone. Never to be seen again. I AM took my hand,  "Do you know how proud of you I am? You have come so far, so very far." He stood up and stepped back just out of the reach of the water as it came on to the shore. He sat down and reached out to me. I walked over and he pulled me into his lap. We just sat there quietly a while as we listened to the waves. 

Pendant 2015

Pendant 2015

I stood in the doorway to the garden behind the new temple. I stepped out onto the patio made of stone was I was barefoot and could feel the coolness of the stone. I was 10 years old wearing a white sundress. I looked out over the garden as I made my way to the short wall on the other end of the patio. I leaned on the wall looking at the path and the beautiful garden. I then closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I felt the wind pick up and wrap around me. I opened my eye's and I saw the Spirit of God standing there. he was in a white hooded robe. He smiled softly at me and reached out. I took the Spirits hand and we walked a little ways down the  path that lead through the garden. I saw the apple tree that stood alone a little ways off to the left of the path. The Spirit let go of my hand and walked down towards the apple tree. I watched for a moment before following him. When the Spirit got to the tree he reached up and touched it with his hand. The tree began to glow a bright white. He then turned to me and kissed me on the forehead and disappeared. I looked around and I didn't see him at all. I walked up to the tree and touched it. I wondered why he would make it glow. Then I hear I AM behind me say my name. I turned and looked at him funny. When he calls me by my name it stirs and pulls at something deep inside me. It never did that when he called me by any other names. I turned to the tree and asked "Why did he make it glow?" I AM smiled at me and said "Come child, lets talk." We walked past the glowing apple tree and walked down to the lake. I stopped a moment and looked at the tree. The sun was setting and the glow that came from it in the colored lighting was just beautiful.  I looked back and saw he was almost to the water so I ran to where he was.  When I got close to him and he turned towards me. I reached out my hands to him and he took them.  I laid my head on his arm and He stooped down to my level, and he had such a big smile on his face. I AM leaned over and kissed my forehead and lead me down to the waters edge. We sat down next to the water together. He leaned over and picked a small white daisy. I AM said "You know there has only been a few times where you have reached out to me first." I thought for a moment and said "I'm. I’m sorry" I AM looked at me "Child, why are you sorry? Those moments melt my heart." He looked down at the flower then out over the water "You don't see how far you have come. but I do. Think about where we started. With the Ark. Now look where we are, I know you feel disconnected, but that disconnect isn't here. It isn't with us.” I sighed "Then why does it feel that way?" He leaned into me "It's a disconnect within yourself. For you child, it lies in a lack of forgiveness. What your feeling is unforgiveness towards yourself. The disconnection you feel with me is an illusion." I looked out over the water and said nothing, tears filled my eyes as I thought about it. I knew he was right, he is always right. I AM reached over and took my hand, and in it he placed the small daisy he had picked. He covered the top of my hand and when he pulled it back the daisy turned into a pendant on a chain. He picked it up out of my hand and put it around my neck. He held the daisy pendant with his fingers a moment. Then he looked at me, "So you don't forget" I looked down at the daisy pendant. I knew what it stood for. Daisies stand for purity, innocence, beauty, loyalty and love. I touched the pendant and held it with my fingers. I looked at I AM, it meant so much to me. He smiled at me and said "You, my child, are my mirrored image, the -perfect- image of my son. How I can look at myself and say I am dirty and worthless? I can't can I?" I shook my head no. He smiled and said "I know you don't believe those things right now, but it will come." He pulled me into his lap and I noticed the sun was beginning to disappear and watched as it grew dark. I looked up and began to see the stars. I AM held me tight and said "In the light or in darkness, I will never leave you alone....remember that."