Worthy 2014

Worthy 2014

I am about 7yrs old and I was wearing a white sun dress with embroidery on it. I was barefoot as always and I could feel the rough dirt beneath my feet.  

I was standing on the white dirt path leading up to the old temple, the path I had begun this journey with I AM years ago. My heart sank a bit when I realized I was outside the old temple. I was far enough away I couldn’t even see the people worshiping outside, I could hear them though. I began walking towards the sound of them singing, while I walked I looked around, there was nothing but miles of flat land filled with grass. I began to feel confused to why I was so far away from the places I had come to know. As I got closer the sound of the voices grew louder. I began to see the sea of blue robed people singing their hearts out to God, there was no way to number them. Those in the blue robes where on both sides of the white dirt road, as far as the eye could see. I watched them as I continued up the path to the steps of the temple. I then saw Jesus come out of the door from the old temple and stand at the top of the steps. The doors to the temple where so massive, with handles so high only the angels could touch them. Standing at the bottom of the steps I looked up at Jesus and I stepped up onto the first step, I looked down at my feet, they where covered in white dust from the road. I felt like I had done something wrong to be all the way out here. Jesus began to walk down the steps to me. I looked up and saw he was in front of me standing one step above mine. He looked down at me with a loving smile and said "Why did you stop?" I looked at him and asked "Why am I here again? What did I do wrong?" He reached out and embraced my face with his hands and said "I. I didn't put you here. you don't belong out here, you belong inside with me." I looked down at my feet, “You didn’t put me out here?” Jesus whispered to me  "You are worth it. I know you don't see that. yet. To be honest with you Child, I am not even worried about where you are at. You are right where you need to be. You are learning to be loved, you are learning to trust, it takes time. Child. I know it has been hard. I know there are days you feel it and days that you just can't. I know your struggles, but it changes nothing. These things will pass, and you will walk in the love you know is there, and it will stick. There will be a time where you will learn you can trust me in everything. But I don't think the problem right now is knowing that you are loved, but rather that you are WORTHY of being loved. Am I right?" I looked at him and gave him a half smile, "Yeah. I “know” I am loved I just don't feel worthy of any of it. I feel most times like an inconvenience and a burden to those around me, and especially to you. My life feels like a waste of time" Jesus sat down on the step and looked up to meet my eyes, he took my hands and said "Would I be here with you if I really thought that?" A tear rolled down my cheek and I whispered "I don’t know." He took my hand and asked "Child, will you trust me on this? Will you trust the fact that I think you are worth my time? Will you trust me when I say --you are worth it?" I looked around at all the people singing then at him and said nothing. I couldn’t bring myself to answer those questions yet. Jesus pulled me into his lap and wrapped his arms around me, “I know it’s a lot to ask, and you don’t have to answer right now. But I will show you I am faithful in every way, and in everything.” I slowly relaxed in his embrace and and leaned back into him. “Why are these people out here?” Jesus took a deep breath and let it out slowly, “They choose to be out here. Are you ready to go back inside with me?” I stood up “Yes, yes I am.” Jesus stood up and turned to go up the steps, as he did I slowly reached out and touched his hand. He stopped and looked at me with a soft smile “You can take it.” So i gripped his hand firmly and we walked up the steps to the temple doors together. Jesus touched the door with the tips of his fingers. The golden colored words on the door slowly turned red and the door opened on its own. We walked in and I let go of his hand. I looked around the temple, It was glowing a very soft yellow and was only  lit up by the flaming ball of white light dancing where the ark usually sits. I looked all around this endless room but didn’t see the ark anywhere. I took a deep breath and sank into the feeling of safety in this room. Jesus began to walk to the first pillar in the back of the temple, before the maroon rug.  Jesus looked at me and said "He is waiting for you" He walked to the edge of the maroon rung and stepped onto it. The rug began to glow and Jesus disappeared. I slowly walked to the rug, I stood on the edge with just my toes over the edge of it. I could feel the softness of the rug under my toes. My heart sank again and I pulled my toes back from the rug. I then hear I AM say in a soft voice, “You are worthy child, come.” I looked up and seen him in his white robe shining with white light. He was standing at the bottom of the steps, smiling, I AM motioned for me to come closer. I walked over to him slowly with my head lowered, still feeling like I had done something wrong. I stopped about 5 feet away from him and stood there looking at my feet.  "Child, do you know why we are here?" I looked around the endless room and closed my eyes "No Papa."  He asked with concern, "Child what has you so shaken?" I knew I AM knew the answer, so I hesitated to answer. "He sat down on the first step and looked up at me, "I want you to say it." Still looking at the floor I said with frustration "I’m afraid, okay! I have so much fear in side me. I steals everything. My joy, my peace, my sense of safety, everything!" I looked at him expecting him to be angry and lash out at me, but instead he looked at me lovingly and said, "You are okay here." His response caught me off guard a bit. I AM continued "I know. I know why you are afraid. I want you to know though, You are okay here to express how you feel. You're okay to tell me all your thoughts without fear of me becoming angry. Your hurt and anger don’t scare me. I know you have been through some horrible things, but I am here to comfort you. Come and sit with me and allow your spirit to be edified by my love.” He stretched out his arms and I slowly made my way to him. He pulled me into his lap and wrapped his arms around me holding me close. “Child, give your self permission to believe that you are worthy, that you are worth my Love." I sighed "I don’t know if I can." He began to rock slowly side to side with me in his arms and whispered to me “Let me help you” I sighed and asked “Why do you care?” I AM kissed my head and stopped rocking, “Child, does there have to be any other reason then I Love you?" I covered my face and began to cry. He kissed my forehead again and held me tight. “It’s hard for you to believe right now, but it doesn't change how I feel.” I AM began to rock with me again and said."Just so you know, this moment right here...is worth everything. This moment with you, my daughter, is priceless