Black wall 2014

Black wall 2014

I am standing in the garden outside the new temple. I am leaning on the stone wall at the end of this stone paved patio. I look out and I see the mountains far from where I am. I see the lake and the trees. I closed my eye's and felt the brush of the wind on my face. I felt at peace in that moment. I heard a voice call my name from behind. I smiled and turned around. "I AM" walked over to me and embraced my face and asked "How are you today child?"  Tears formed then rolled down my face and I said "Papa...I" I couldn't finish what I was saying as he pulled me close and just held me. He looked down at me and said "I understand, there is no need for words." I held on to him tighter and he kissed my head. After a few moments "I AM" said "walk with me." He reached out for my hand, I looked at it and took his hand. He brought my hand up to his month and he kissed the top of my hand. The look in his eyes is full of life and love. He began to lead me into the new temple. He turned in front of the three thrones towards the new hallway, where the clear path leads to the castle. The door was already open and we walked through. we followed the path up to the gate. When we got to the gate he said "I see you child...I see the pain you still hold deep inside" He turned and continued through the gate. We passed many buildings that lined the street. Then we walked up to a building that was made of the same stuff the road we had been walking was made out of. Its like glass but it is not. From what I could see on the outside It was empty inside and clean. This building had no doors but I AM placed his hand on the building and the wall began to move like fluid. He walked through and I followed. When we got inside it was full of stuff. Chairs, tables, books, blankets and so much more. We walked through the first two rooms to a wall that was painted all black. It had a door in the center that was also painted all black. I could hear yelling and screaming from the other side. I also could hear someone sobbing on the other side also. I AM placed both his hands on the door and his forehead. He began to weep. I watched for a few moments and I AM closed his eye's and whispered "I love you, I love you" over and over. I stepped forward and put my hand on his shoulder. He reach with his hand to touch my hand then He stepped back from the door his eyes where red from crying. He reached out and touched my face and asked "Why do you do this to yourself?" I was confused and asked "do what?" he turned and opened the door, the room was dark. I could see a girl crouched down in the corner she was sobbing. she sat with her knees to her chest and her head buried in her knees. I was startled when yelling started from across the dark room. I couldn't see who it was but she yelled "you are an idiot! you are disgusting and worthless! You will never be clean!" I stepped into the room and the girl in the corner looked up. I stepped back in shock...it was me. Then the girl that had been yelling came across the room still yelling horrible things she ran to the girl in the corner cutting her arm. I yelled at her "stop!" the girl turned towards me with the knife still in her hand. I dropped to my knees I couldn't believe she was also me. "I AM walked into the room and placed his hand on my shoulder and squatted down to talk to me. He said "Child...this is what I see everyday. It breaks my heart the way you secretly punish yourself. You hold yourself hostage to the lies you still believe." I AM sat down next to me and said "you are not those things..." He touched the floor and the room faded away. We were now sitting on the floor of a white room. He touched the ground in front of us and a pool of water appeared. I AM pulled me into his lap then took my hands and placed them in his. He closed our hands then slowly opened them together. As our hands opened I saw a red rose blooming in my hands. He took the flower and placed it in his palm. He said "Many times you have tossed a flower into the water as a way to express your love to me. Child you are beautiful, pure....innocent" When he said the word innocent I began to sob. He took my hand and said "that's what you are....Child.  You can punish yourself, deny the love I have for you, you can even push away my forgiveness, But I want you to understand....those lies will leave you searching, empty and trying to receive what has always been there. Child..I know you are scared to feel love. This love...is real Love, It won't yell at you, call you names....it won't hurt you. It's ok to feel Loved. Its what you were created for." He reached out and touched the top of the water with his finger. ripples in a circle began to go out. He looked at me and said "I remember every flower you have placed on the water for me. So simple this act...but it touched my heart." He placed his palm on the top of the water and flowers filled the pool of water from edge to edge...except for the ring of ripples. There was every flower I remembered...daisies and roses to little wild violets and even dandelions. He looked at me and said "This rose in my hand...is for you." He placed the rose in the middle of the ring of ripples. I watched it float on the ripples of the water. He looked at me and said "I just want you to remember...I see you, I know you, and I love you Child, I know your heart cries out for your earthly father even though he did so many painful things. I feel that longing and pain as you watch so many have what you did not. Let me fill those gaps. let me be what he could not. Your fathers love was...twisted. I know this is why you fear to be LOVE." He stood up and so did I, he embraced my face and said "I will never hurt you...especially not like that." I began to sob so hard I fell to my knees. I AM knelt down next to me and wrapped his arms around me. He whispered "I love you sweet child...I always have"